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Luke Oplakia Hochevar Roundhouses Rays

Are you our Tenzing? (Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images)
Are you our Tenzing? (Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images)
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The day belonged to Will. The night belonged to Luke OplaKKKKKKKKia Hochevar.

Yes, you counted those correctly. Luke Hochevar struck out eight Devil Rays en route to a complete game, seven hit, one walk shut-out. Hochevar looked like the pitcher he is frustratingly capable of being. Completely dominant. The hits allowed were not well-struck balls. In the top of the fifth, Luke Oplakia worked around the one somewhat serious scoring threat that the Satan Devil Rays were able to mount. Having allowed the first two runners aboard via bloop singles while the gents in the booth obliviously prattled on about the value of Luke pitching to contact in such a manner as to suggest that they were all under the employ of the Twins organization, Hochevar struck out the next three batters he faced.

The game was not particularly close after the third, an inning in which the Kansas City nine plated their second through sixth runs. The Son of God saw fit to hang dong in the eighth, Alex Gordon and Alcides Escobar each collected three hits, and only Jarrod Dyson was held hitless tonight, as the Royals tagged Alex Cobb for eight runs on 13 hits in an odd complete game loss for the Tampa righty.

Tenzing Norgay was still nowhere to be seen, though rumblings were heard from One Royal Way that Luke Hochevar may in fact be using Rosetta Stone to learn Tibetan.