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Freefalling Royals Pray for Victory Against Tampa

James Shields faces off against his former club as he attempts to bring the Royals back from the brink of self-destruction.

This baby has never seen the Royals win
This baby has never seen the Royals win
Sandra Mu

Dark times have descended upon Kauffman Stadium and all of Royalsdom. The Royals find themselves mired in a losing streak that has gone on so long that many fans and players alike are forgetting what it feels like when they do win. There are children born in Kansas City after 4:15 PM on Sunday who have never even seen the Royals win a game.

It's hard to imagine, but not that long ago the Royals sat alone atop the American League Central Division. First place seems like a distant memory these days, so distant in fact that its haziness causes one to wonder if it ever happened at all. Now with the Royals in freefall and the formidible Devil Rays--imbued by the power of both Satan himself and Ray Parker, Jr.--paying Kauffman a visit, one has to wonder if both the Minnesota Twins and Cleveland Racists will not have caught them in the standings by this weekend.

The Royals will turn to former Devil Ray James Shields, placing their destiny in his hand. Shields, who was unable to assimilate himself to the Tampa Bay Way in his seven seasons in the nation's uvula, will have to put his feelings of insecurity aside to thwart his former club. All eyes are on him, especially since his teammate twice-over Cool Stuff Wade Davis severely dishonored the Royals on Monday. He will face salad enthusiast Alex Cobb in a battle royale.