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What is With All These Home Runs? Royals Easily Win 9-3

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The Royals hang four dongs on the Twins, including two from the Hos.

Hannah Foslien

We all know that home runs are big rally kills, so a funeral is in order tonight as the Royals killed numerous rallies with four dong shots against a bunch of guys who were either a bunch of Twins pitchers or a collection of American Idol rejects. Seriously, what is a Caleb Thielbar?

Billy Butler, who many Facebook fans feel is "slumping" despite his .400 OBP this month, responded by hanging a three-run dong in the first inning of P.J. "I'm a grown man with a little boy's name" Walters. How do you hit three-run home runs? You let two guys get on base in front of you. You don't waste outs. Well done Alex and Hos.

After Alex drove home another run in the second, Mike Moustakas hung a two-run dong in the third. Not to be outdone, Eric Hosmer would hit solo home runs not just in the fifth but in the seventh inning as well. It was just the second multi-home run game of his career, and the first since August 31, 2011 against Detroit. Hosmer has three home runs for the week, and is now tied with Billy Butler for second on the team.

That was more than enough run support for James Shields, who must have breathed a sigh of relief. "So my teammates aren't totally incompetent!" Well, maybe his manager is. Despite a fairly safe 7-3 lead, Ned let Shields pitch into the seventh inning, leaving him in for 117 pitches. When we make the World Series and Shields blows a Game 7 lead against the Pirates in the seventh inning because he looks gassed, you'll know why.

Having Moose, Hosmer, and Butler back on track would give use the semblance of a big boy offense, which will soften the blow should the pitching ever regress to the mean. The Royals are now 6-2 against the stinky Twins this year, wiping that polite smile off those pale Minnesotans. Just kidding, they never stop smiling, they're so gosh darn friendly. How bout another Leinenkugel for ya pardner?