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Royals Win, Are Officially Slightly Above Average

Royals fans try to make sense of their lives as the Royals continue to play semi-relevant baseball with the trade deadline approaching.

Look at that dong
Look at that dong
Hannah Foslien

Following the Mike Moustakas dual-dong-hanging-fueled 7 - 2 victory, the Royals filed back into the visitors' locker room to find a banner hanging from one end of the room commemorating their herculean feat.

It read: "Congrats On Being [Barely] Above Average!!!"

Ervin Santana took the mound for Kansas City and worked around jams in the first and fourth innings en route to a seven innings, eight strikeout, one walk, four hit, two earned run win. With the Royals offense getting to Mike Pelfrey relatively early--driving him from the game after the fourth with four runs on 93 pitches--before Brian Duensing ceded another three runs across the top of the eighth and ninth, Tim Collins and Luke Hochevar came in to close the door on the Twins, with Collins protecting a 5 - 2 lead before the Royals plated two more insurance runs emboldening Ned Yost, who fingered Hochevar for the ninth. Hochevar made things a bit interesting letting Joe Mauer and Ryan Doumit reach base before striking out Chris Colabello (don't worry, I'd never heard of him either) to end the game.

On the offensive side of things, the Royals were on base all night long, netting 12 hits and three walks. Mike Moustakas led the way tonight with a massive dong hanging of the three run variety in the third off of Pelfrey--the go-ahead hit for the Royals, who were trailing 2 - 1 up to that point--followed by another solo shot in the eighth off of Duensing. Moustakas added a walk (and a strikeout) to the mix. Alex Gordon, Eric Hosmer, and Salvador Perez each joined Moustakas in reaching base three times, with Hosmer doubling and singling twice, while Perez and Gordon each earned a walk apiece to go with their two singles. Billy Butler, Alcides Escobar, and David Lough were the only Royals who failed to reach base, though Lough did drive Gordon in with a sacrifice fly in the top of the ninth.

With the victory at Target Field, Kansas City finds themselves above .500 past May 21 for the first time since 2003.