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The Royals sign Brad Penny to a minor-league contract

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After a year off, the 35-year-old right-hander Penny hopes to head down the comeback trail in Kansas City.

He blue himself
He blue himself
Nick Laham

As MLB Daily Dish's wunderkind Chris Cotillo first reported in tweet form here,

and with more backstory here, the Royals signed former Alyssa Milano and Karina Smirnoff beau, Brad Penny, to a minor-league contract with an invitation to spring training. While we could concern ourselves with how the former Dodger/Marlin/Giant/Red Sock/Cardinal/Tiger might perform given the fact that he hasn't thrown a baseball in a live game since September 29, 2012, the bigger concern is who is Brad Penny with now?

Well, any fans of both the Royals and Oklahoma City Thunder can rejoice. He married Thunder cheerleader Kaci Cook in August of last year.

Back to Penny the pitcher, he pitched poorly in both 2011 and 2012, though he was a 1.0 fWAR pitcher--mythical, I know--in just 55.2 IP of work in 2010. You have to go back to 2009 to find a season in which he was an above-average pitcher, but maybe Penny secretly saw Bartolo Colon's doctor and will come back after years of irrelevance. According to the Cotillo article, Penny trained with Kansas City area trainer Joe Potts this offseason.

This signing has very little in the way of risk for the Royals. It is probably unlikely that Yost will have to turn to Penny every fifth day at any point this season.

We all know what you're thinking. You've already got a Chris Volstad Royals shirsey you never got to wear to a Volstad-pitched game. Just exercise restraint this time.

The real benefit of the signing is that the door is now opened for the following video to be played every time Penny takes the mound.