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Baseball Gods Promote Former Intern, Help Royals for Postseason Run

Even the Baseball Gods realize that the Royals' success is a great thing.

Is it time?
Is it time?
Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports

Aether City, Void--Former intern Arthur Dennings was recently reinstated by the Baseball Gods, the group responsible for order and justice for Major League Baseball in the lower realm of Earth, and promoted to be Team Manager for the Kansas City Royals.

Almost two months ago, the Aether City Space-Times Continuum reported that the Baseball Gods had canned Dennings for insubordinate actions, which allowed the Royals to keep control of first place of the AL Central for most of August and continue to their first playoff victory since 1985 A.D., Earth Years.  At the time, the Royals had rocketed up to first place, 2.5 games ahead of the Detroit Tigers.  After Dennings' firing, however, the Royals immediately skidded, going 3-6 in the nine games following, including a brutal sweep at the hands of the Cleveland Indians.  Dennings' work would not be undone completely, as the Royals did eventually clinch a Wild Card spot, but the replacement Team Managers impeded the team just enough to have them miss the division, which would have yielded an automatic spot in the American League Individual Series.

Oddly enough, though, the Baseball Gods were moved by such a pitiful team's attempt to achieve success.  At a local charity concert featuring Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's 3,587th Symphony, the Space-Times Continuum caught up with Baseball Gods spokesman Amy Crotchet to discuss the decision.

"We were initially furious at Arthur but, well, we realized that the Royals and ourselves were having an absolute blast," Crotchet explained.  "How could you not enjoy their type of baseball?  They're doing so many little things right that they might as well be expert watchmakers."  Crotchet paused as she took a moment to decline a Tralfamadorian appetizer, looking to the purple clouds and smiling as Quetzacoatl flew serenely across the sky.  "We decided after their final homestand to swallow our pride and do the unthinkable, which was to rehire Arthur Dennings.  It was a great decision."

Dennings, a tall man who doesn't look a day over 450, was very humble but obviously quite chuffed at the opportunity to officially Manage a professional baseball team.  "I'm quite chuffed," he said, "though I feel bad for the interim Manager who was demoted without warning, but I guess that's part of the territory."  Dennings had a secret weapon, though, one that has been used to great effect in this postseason.  "I worked up the courage and went to Carl to ask for help," Dennings revealed.

Carl, no known last name, a mysterious man who lives in a cave close to Yggdrasil, is otherwise better known as the Prospect Deity.  Carl, through some deep magic before the dawn of time, guides prospects and prospect writing for Major League Baseball, finding pleasure in making everything as confusing and unpredictable as possible.  Every once in a while, Carl would create the perfect prospect, such as Mike Trout or Stephen Strasburg.  Other times, he would include in prospects that sat at bad-decent while touching good but averaging awful.  Previously in league with the Baseball Gods in suppressing the Royals, Carl was intrigued by the possibility of creating more confusion for a franchise which owned the Best Farm System in the History of Whatever but no playoff appearances in almost 30 Earth years.

"It was simple, really," Dennings told reporters.  "The Royals had a lot of youngsters on the team--Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, the like.  I told him, 'just make them good for a few weeks,' and though he looked at me like I had one head, it seems he really did it."  When asked if it was possible if the two were fixed for good, Dennings stifled a quick giggle, opining, "Hosmer, maybe.  Moose-well, put it this way, did you watch him play baseball this year?"

Most recently, the Baseball Gods have recruited the help of Poseidon to rain out Monday's game, allowing the Royals to use James Shields on game 4 with full rest.  "There are still hurdles to be climbed," Crotchet said as the interview concluded.  "The Royals still have another two games to play, and every once in a while even baseball games are beyond our control.  I'm particularly worried about the St. Louis Cardinals, too."  The Cardinals are managed by a sentient robotic life-form known only as Harbinger, one of only two of their kind (who call themselves Reapers), the other being the Yankees Head Manager, Sovereign.  Both have extreme powers of coercion and suggestion and have been excellent at their jobs for many years.

"Yeah, Harbinger definitely isn't on board with this plan," Crotchet said.  "However, through sheer force of evil he may will his team to the World Series."  Crotchet stops, looks forward with determination, and finally speaks again after some silence.  "They won't win, though. I want the Royals to win the World Series.  They deserve it."

Dennings agrees.  "It's time, you know?  The baseball gods are behind them.  That's great news.  But you know what?  I'm happy that they made it this far, regardless of what happens."