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The Pitchers and Catchers Report Today Friday Open Thread

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PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY! PITCHERS AND CATCHERS REPORT TODAY!

USA TODAY Sports

And so it begins!

Royals pitchers and catchers will make their way to Surprise, Arizona today (no doubt in the Best Shape of Their Life), where a stoic Ned Yost will stand with his coaching staff at the ballpark as the ballplayers walk in.

ASSISTANT COACH DALE SVEUM: That looks like Brad Penny.

NED YOST: He was an All-Star in Los Angeles, wasn't he?

SVEUM: Wish we had him seven years ago.

YOST: Who's that?

DAYTON MOORE: Norichika Aoki. Came from Japan. Wanted religious freedom.

YOST: What's his religion?

MOORE: Voodoo.

SVEUM [as a Rolls Royce pulls up]: I thought you didn't have any high-priced talent.

MOORE: Forgot about Wade Davis because he's only high-priced. Got him in a trade a year ago.

SVEUM: Still a pretty good reliever isn't he?

MOORE: Yea, but he can't start worth a lick.

SVEUM: Look at this $%^&ing guy.

[Jason Vargas walks in sporting a radical biker haircut]

SVEUM: Maybe he's the mascot.

YOST: This is my kinda team Dale. My kinda team!

Annnnnd scene.

Four Questions in the Best Shape of Their Lives:

1. Any Valentine's Day plans? Any of them actually involve a real live woman?

2. What Royals player do you think most needs to have a good spring training?

3. When were you in the Best Shape of Your Life?

4. Bob Uecker says "Major League 4" is in the works. Pitch me some ideas for a plot.

BONER: The Winter Olympian you would most like to spend a romantic Valentine's Day with is....

BONER 2: We just booked a trip to the Tampa area during spring training. I'd like to duck out and at least catch one game. Any tips for how to enjoy a spring training game?