Offensive offense

Hey, did you hear about the Royals offense? Maybe I should just wish you happy Tax Day.

They say if the Royals buried a putrid 10 game stretch like this in the middle of the year, fans wouldn't notice. I disagree. As Royals fans, we've become accustomed to jags where the offense hibernates or generally goes missing. Oh, we notice. And we expect it.

This can't continue. It won't continue. I say that with certainty if only because they are currently playing so far below a replacement level offense, it's impossible they continue to be so awful. This is the point where I invoke the Bell Corollary: Don't ever say we've hit rock bottom. Things can always get worse.

And so it goes.

The most vaunted, promising Royals team of the last 25 years can't do a damn thing with the bat in their hands. Some numbers of the offense guaranteed to offend:

-- The Royals are averaging 2.91 runs per game. The only team worse is the San Diego Padres who score just 2.75 runs per game. The good news, the Royals have been so abysmal on offense the last week, they are closing the gap.

-- The Royals are the only team who have not used a pinch hitter this season. Oh, let's review our lineup by wRC+:

Gosh, with all those hot bats... If only there were guys you could pinch hit for in this lineup. If only...

-- So far, everyone's dome is in sound shape.

-- The Royals have a 15.8 percent line drive rate. Only Tampa at 15.5 percent is hitting line drives with less frequency.

-- The Royals have three bunt hits. Tied for third highest in the majors.

-- 25 teams have hit double-digit home runs this year. The Royals have one home run.

-- The major league average for home runs by a team is 12. The Royals have one home run.

-- Did I mention the Royals have one home run?

-- The Royals feature an 84 percent contact rate. That's really good. In fact, it's the second best contact rate in the majors.

-- Except they're not making good contact. Their percentage of base hits that go for extra bases is 26 percent, the worst rate in the majors.

-- The Royals team slugging percentage is .312.

-- Not only are the Royals failing to reach base at an acceptable level, they're not scoring the few runners they actually have. Here's something really frightening: Currently, the Royals are scoring just 12 percent of their base runners. Worst in the American League. Combine that with their .305 OBP and you have something toxic.

-- The Royals team slash line is .239/.305/.312. If this team has a statistical comp, it's Rollie Zeider. Zeider played for the Cubs, White Sox and the Chi-Feds of the Federal League. Yes, the Royals team offense is comparable to a guy who played in the Federal League.

I don't think that's very good.