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Racists topple Guthrie and the Royals 4 - 3

Sterling defensive plays for the Royals and a couple of miscues for the Racists are not quite enough. Behind something called "home runs," the Racists defeat Jeremy Guthrie and the Royals.

Peter G. Aiken-USA TODAY Sports

Jeremy Guthrie's mother was reported to have been weeping when her son yielded the second of his two dong hangings ceded this evening. These are the hazards of having birthed a man with a predilection for serving up gopher balls.

The first few innings were relatively uneventful. The Royals squandered a couple of early hits, including a one-out triple in the first from the hot, hard wood of Omar Infante. The Racists blew themselves their own opportunities early, namely in the third, when David Murphy legged out a lead-off infield "single" to first, a place it looked like he would stay until Nick Swisher clubbed a two-out double to the wall in deep left center field. Anyone who has seen the Royals outfield play these past few seasons knows how this situation probably played out. Filling in for the injured Lorenzo Cain in center, Jarrod Dyson fielded the ball cleanly off the wall, rifled the ball to relay man Alcides Escobar, who gunned down Murphy at the plate with the well-placed throw shown below.

This was far from the only sterling play that the Royals defense provided for their pitchers. Alex Gordon and Norichika Aoki both had diving plays to save outs for Jeremy Guthrie. Alcides Escobar did one better, making what might be the play of the young season for the Royals' defense while the Royals employed an extreme shift for Jason Giambi's father, who was playing DH (designated hater) for the Racists.

Of course, Guthrie allowed a pair of two-run hung dongs, the first to Michael Brantley in the fourth and the second to Jason Kipnis in the sixth. It could have been even worse, as the Clevelanders seriously threatened to add to their lead in the seventh before Ned Yost recovered from the stroke that he was having in the dugout, the only explanation as to why he would leave Guthrie out there after serving up a big double to Yan Gomes followed by a Michael Bourn single that could have plated Gomes were it not for Aoki's quick field-and-throw in to the plate, holding Gomes to just a one-base advancement. Herrera was finally summoned and induced a Swisher shot up the first base line right to Eric Hosmer at the bag for the second out, followed by a fly ball to right that got the Royals out of the inning unscathed.

For their part, the Royals offense mounted one serious attack. In the fifth, down 2 - 0, Mike Moustakas led things off with a double and was immediately driven in by an Escobar double. Dyson laid down a bunt between the Racists' starter Zach McAllister (Kevin's brother). Any Dyson bunt is going to be a close play at first, but Lonnie Chisenhall deposited an errant throw into the stands, plating Escobar and putting Dyson at second base. After an Aoki ground-out, Omar Infante singled, driving in the Royals' third run, putting them ahead for two half-frames.

The offense otherwise failed to take advantage of defensive miscues galore from the Racists. There were three errors altogether, all committed by Cleveland.

Guthrie being Guthrie inevitably hung an off-speed pitch to Kipnis, which was CRUSHED.

On this day, despite the valiant efforts of Alex Gordon, Omar Infante, and Alcides Escobar, Racism won.