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Shields and the Royals shame the punchless Rockies 5 - 1

Royals ride the dong train back to .500 Town.

Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, 'coz they strikin' out everybody out here.
Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband, 'coz they strikin' out everybody out here.
Jamie Squire

Facing these relatively unfamiliar foes from Colorado, James Shields, Wade Davis, and Aaron Crow shut down the vaunted Rockies' offense. The three Royals hurlers combined to strike out 12 Rockies while not issuing a walk until the ninth, when Neifi Perez Troy Tulowitzki became the Rockies' first baserunner since the fourth inning on a one-out free pass issued by Aaron Crow.

Shields struck out eight Rockies while allowing five to reach on singles. Andres Galarraga Justin Morneau drove in the Rockies' first and only run in the fourth, plating Ellis Burks Tulowitzki in the one inning in which Shields got himself into any trouble whatsoever.

Shields's counterpart, Kevin Ritz Franklin Morales was not nearly as impressive. Every Royal who came to the plate tonight reached base at least once with the exception of Eric Hosmer. Morales walked four and allowed eight hits while striking out not a single Royal. Perhaps even more shockingly, two Royals hitters hung majestic dongs off of Neagle Morales offerings, with Lorenzo Cain and Salvador Perez pumping hot shots into the Royals' bullpen in left in the fourth and fifth innings, respectively, while the dumbfounded crowd at Kauffman Stadium wondered what they had just seen each time.

The Royals' offense really had its way with opposing pitchers tonight, with Norichika Aoki, Johnny Giavotella, and Hosmer being the only starters who didn't reach base at least twice.

With the Royals being the only team that was hanging dong tonight, one has to wonder if the Rocky Mountains had too much oxygen. Maybe they just didn't have their home run swings down. Whatever it was, it would appear that home runs are a communicable disease that the Royals caught from these Centennial Staters, who having had the disease once may now be immune.

Also, Rex Hudler thinks the moon is a planet.

James Shields recorded his 1,500th strikeout tonight.

Carry on.