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Feeling better about the Royals offense

Missouri loves company.

Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

Like misery, ahh you just don't get it.

Anyway, the poor hitting performances displayed by Royals players this season is every fan's favorite thing to make sarcastic comments about -- or maybe it's just that all Royals fans have the same condition as Derek's new friend.

Well, it's true. People can't even argue about how bad the offense has been -- it's just bad. The team's okay, but they're going to need to hit to make anything out of this season.

Since little else can be said about it, why not attempt to console ourselves with the very similar dong-hooky of of our in-state rivals'?

The Royals have hit all of 18 dongs this season.

The reigning NL champion Cardinals have hit 23, second worst in baseball. Hooray! They suck too!

We all know homers aren't everything. They are pretty useful, but all of us SABRcrats know that offense is better measured by the sensual, curvy digits that flaunt themselves in provocative columns under alphabetical ornaments like wOBA and wRC+. Here's a table so you don't have to read any more boring words ... just stare at the sad, sexy numbers.

Royals 1433 7.1% 15.1% 0.47 .256 .311 .366 .677 .294 .109 .301 -14.9 86
Cardinals 1535 8.3% 19.6% 0.42 .246 .315 .360 .675 .298 .113 .301 -16.0 91

via FanGraphs

It only makes me feel a little better, but it does make feel better -- which is probably pathetic, but petty spite warms the woeful soul.