The odious Pale Hoes set up shop in The K tonight, hoping to send the iron-deficient Royals reeling into Losing Territory. Losing Territory is a desolate wasteland just south of Nunavut. You don't want to find yourself there without a parka and pounds and pounds of dried meats.
Noted Italian composer and colonial overlord of Brazil Andre Rienzo will throw baseballs for the Pale Hoes.
The Heat Is Here Lineup: Aoki 9, Escobar 6, Hosmer 3, Butler DH, Gordon 7, Cain 8, Valencia 5, Ciriaco 4, Hayes 2, Ventura 1. #royals— Andy McCullough (@McCulloughStar) May 20, 2014
Yordano Ventura will attempt to dispatch of the heinous Pale Hoes while showing Rienzo how he really feels about the oppression of the poor, native Brazilians whose backs he amassed his fortune atop. The flame-throwing rookie will have the luxury of facing their loathsome division rivals sans their hulking Cuban slugger, Jose Abreu, who was placed on the disabled list, battling a gnarly two-pronged attack of scurvy and rickets.
Do not let Rienzo's 4 - 0 record and 4.20 ERA fool you. His ERA sits nearly two full runs lower than his 6.04 FIP and more than a full run lower than his 5.24 xFIP. Of course, the Royals offense will more than likely let Rienzo's outperformance of peripherals last another start.