The NFL Draft takes 3-5 years to complete, costs American taxpayers $1.3 billion, and is hosted each year at Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood by Ryan Seacrest. This year, the first pick of the draft belonged to the New York Millipedes, who selected Pennsylvania Tech side backfielder Kenny Finkelstein, surprising many observers.
This year, the trend of top teams has been towards selecting college players, many of which played football at their respective universities. Our own Kansas City Chiefs even had a draft pick, selecting Dee Ford (not to be confused with sportswriter Frank DeFord), who spent last year studying 18th Century French philosophy at Auburn University (fun fact, the Southeastern Conference had more players selected in the first round than M.I.T., Cal Tech, the University of Oxford, the Sorbonne, and the entire Ivy League schools combined).
Your Royals Review NFL Draft Analysis:
The Jacksonville Jaguars - They continue to be allowed to continue to operate in the league despite not showing any inclination of knowing what the heck they are doing. Its an amazing testament to American socialism. They are the kindred spirits of our plucky Royals.
Johnny Manziel - Johnny was selected by the Cleveland Browns and gets to live in beautiful Cleveland, Ohio during his prime years. Cleveland asserts they do not follow anyone else's rules, which should appeal to Manziel, who has trouble following rules. Cleveland offers a "bit of grit mixed with sophistication in a place where you can eat bucatini pasta served with beef jerky, dance to world music on the front lawn of a renowned art museum or do yoga in front of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame – and all in a city where we don’t take ourselves too seriously." I don't know much about their football history, but between the Steamship William Mather and The International Women's Air and Space Museum, Manziel is going to have one fun time in Northern Ohio.
Ray Lewis - Never has a former alleged murderer given such insightful analysis. Who better to judge the character of future NFL players than someone who may or may not have gotten away with knifing a guy in the back? Not since O.J. Simpson has an alleged murderer been this likeable.
The Kansas City Chiefs - They had the opportunity to not only draft Johnny Manziel, but sign Tim Tebow and trade for Tony Romo in an unstoppable three-headed monster of hype. Instead, they took a boring player no one has heard of. Does John Dorsey even watch ESPN?
People Who Watch the Draft - Seriously, you get the results quicker on Twitter, and you don't have to listen to Chris Berman or Mike Mayock.
Uncle Rico - Once again, he goes undrafted, despite being able to throw a football over them mountains.
Four High-Motor Questions With Tremendous Upside:
1. Should MLB allow for the trading of draft picks like the NFL?
2. What was the first music album you ever purchased?
3. What restaurant with only 1-2 locations do you think could succeed best as a national chain?
4. If you could plant one idea into Dayton Moore's head (INCEPTION!) what would it be?
BONIFACIO: Thoughts on the Star Wars cast?
BONIFACIO TOO: Oh yea, feel free to talk about draft stuff too.