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Game XCIX Open Thread - The Royals of Kansas City versus the Pale Hoes of Chicago

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Bruce Chen versus Scott Carroll in a dream match-up for mediocre pitching.

Baseball player?
Baseball player?
David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

The Royals are losers. Of four straight and seven of their last eight games.

Tonight Ned Yost fingers Bruce Chen to try to stem the bleeding. The Sino-Panamanian Sensation has been less than sensational this year. He owns a 6.14 ERA, with karma exacting revenge on the crafty crappy lefty after his 2013 campaign that saw him screw everyone else's ERA by allowing nearly every baserunner he inherited to score while keeping his sterling by selfishly getting out of the inning without letting his basemen get on the board. His 6.14 ERA stands in stark contrast to his defense-independent metrics that bear out a much more palatable performance. He sports a 3.14 FIP, 3.99 xFIP, and 3.85 SIERA, but the BABIP fairy is a fickle mistress when your fastball maxes out at 56 MPH.

Scott Carroll is pitching for the Pale Hoes. Apparently he is from Kansas City. Does this mean he exists? We shall find out this evening.

A quick glance at his metrics show a pitcher with a 4.19 ERA, 4.69 FIP, 4.68 xFIP, 4.52 SIERA, 4.46 K/9, 3.15 BB/9, 11.2 K%, 7.9 BB%, and 1.42 K/BB. Does Jeremy Guthrie have a clone?

Sometimes I joke about a match-up being one for the ages, but this time I am gravely serious. This will be a game you tell your children about.