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Royals and sleeper agent Scott Carroll vanquish Pale Hoes 7 - 1

The South Side nine are undermined by the Royals' mole under deep cover. Things are getting positively Cold War in the AL Central.

Moose dong
Moose dong
Jonathan Daniel

The most successful long cons are the ones that come as a complete surprise. Given the fact that Scott Carroll has not spent a day in the Kansas City Royals organization, the South Side nine had no reason to suspect that their starting pitcher was in league with the opposition.

Doing his best to emulate the cromulent Jeremy Guthrie, Carroll ceded a double to Jarrod Dyson in the first, but he worked around it. After Mike Moustakas hung solo dong in the second, Alex Gordon hit a one-out double in the third, but the Royals royalled their way out of the inning with Billy Butler adding fuel to the roiling masses' fire by ending the inning with a double play. Having grown up a Royals fan, he tried to give Raul Ibanez a break in the fourth, but Ibanez got thrown out trying to stretch a single into a double on a nice play from Chicago right fielder Moises Sierra, and the Royals wimpered out of the inning.

After the Royals wasted consecutive two-out singles in the fifth inning, Carroll decided he could no longer keep up appearances. Sticking his head out from his molehill, Carroll served up back-to-back doubles to Butler and Ibanez. Alcides Escobar followed with a "bunt single" to the catcher Adrian Nieto. After a visit to the mound in which Carroll deviously insisted all was well, Norichika Aoki walked and Nieto let ball four by him, plating Ibanez on the passed ball.

That ended up being all that KC-born Carroll was able to do for his hometown team, but before leaving the game he cursed the mound. Reliever Javy Guerra immediately threw an errant throw to first on a Jarrod Dyson bunt attempt. The speedster was likely going to be safe at first, but by the time the play had run its course, Dyson stood on second and the Royals held a 4 - 1 lead. Omar Infante added a sacrifice fly to plate a fifth run credited to sleeper agent Scott Carroll.

Mike Moustakas added a second dong hanging to his orgiastic Tuesday in the eighth--this one of the two-run variety.

With Bruce Chen doing the old smoke-and-mirrors schtick that he lives and dies by and having it work for his five innings of one-run ball (that one run was an oppo dong hanging of the Adam "Big Donkey" Dunn variety), Carroll's efforts for Mother Russia the Royals were clearly the key to victory for Kansas City. Unfortunately, they must sadly go unrecognized for fear of exposure and reprisal.

While each Royals victory strikes fear into the heart of those who worry that mild mediocrity--and no, .500-ish ball is not all we ask for--will simply allow Dayton Moore's presence atop the organization to persist, at least the evil Pale Hoes were vanquished this eve.