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Royals rout Diamondbacks 12 - 2 behind three hung dongs

After checking the rule books, the Royals discover they're allowed to score as many runs as they'd like. The Diamondbacks are the first to suffer after this news came to light.

Grand dong hanging
Grand dong hanging
Christian Petersen

Alex Gordon collected his 1,000th (and 1,001st) hit(s). Thrice the Royals hanged dong of the multi-run variety. The Royals plated 12 runs. Norichika Aoki hit a grand slam for his first hung dong in a Royals uniform. Billy Butler and Salvador Perez both took it out and showed everybody what a dong-hanging of the three-run variety looks like.

This is pretty much the Royals attack that Dayton Moore thought would show up every night when he hilariously made public his belief that every player on the Royals was going to improve from last year to this year.

After a game in which the Royals plate a dozen runs in the high desert, one does have to wonder what might happen if the Royals were to modify Kauffman Stadium to Chase Field's specifications. The obvious place to start is the parking lot. Clearly, the Diamondbacks' parking lot isn't nearly as oppressive as The K's. Are you taking these notes, Royals brass? The next goal would be to create a man-made 1,090-foot mountain in Kansas City atop which Kauffman Stadium can be placed. Then it would only make sense to put a roof on the whole thing. The change to a desert setting will just have to wait on climate change.

In the mean time, we will just have this night to look back on fondly. A night in which the Royals dropped a dozen on the hapless D-backs--a team that looks familiar to most of us, as it loosely resembles Royals teams of the Aughts. A night in which Billy Butler raised his triple-slash by .007/.005/.016 on an evening in August. A night in which Nori Aoki showed that he could hit a ball farther than 300 feet. A night in which Danny Duffy wasn't particularly efficient, but it didn't really matter because the back end of the bullpen was able to fill in for the last four innings thanks to a ten-run lead by the end of the fifth.

The Royals destroyed a lesser team. This is something they should probably do more often. They'll have to if they intend to make the postseason.