This is Tom.
Chris Young is tall.— #HireTom (@TJFsports) April 12, 2015
Tom is a Royals fan.
Maybe I should become a State Farm agent so I can learn teleportation.— #HireTom (@TJFsports) April 12, 2015
He also enjoys a good television show.
THROOOOONES— #HireTom (@TJFsports) April 13, 2015
More importantly, though, Tom has donated his time over the past few years to the remarkable public service of gathering together all of the things that Rex Hudler says that makes him, you know, Rex.
Throwback: the first list. pic.twitter.com/Lo3ui0Uc2d— #HireTom (@TJFsports) April 12, 2015
Recently. Tom sent me the list he had compiled for the 2014 season, that magical land of yesteryear where the Royals were American League champions. It was heady times indeed. I remember it like it was six months ago. Rex Hudler remembers it like it was yesterday, because as far as he knows, it is still tomorrow. Or something.
Things Rex Hudler Actually Says: 2014 Version
1. Good ball players learn to spread out their lower half.
2. The flamingo kick is obviously named after the bird that stands on one leg.
3. I could pass a huge turd when I got a 2 or 3 year deal.
4. The bodies you would see when showering with the pitchers?! Oh man.
5. My antennas will be up and watching for them.
6. How about a doink, bloop, or a blast right here.
7. Players, really, are property.
8. I say, "Bruce, I watch you chew that gum, man. It's amazing how you chomp that thing!"
9. I get hungry when you throw that accent out there!
10. I had a license at one time, but they've taken it from me.
11. That had too much hair on it.
12. Be a fountain, not a drain
13. Oh, that was nice. How bout just a thing. Throw a little thing out there, Moose.
14. He wants to try to shoot that hole anywhere. Any hole.
15. Did you know that’s a video game now? Angry Birds?
16. Maybe Billy can wake those ducks up.
17. That's not just a circle change! He curls that thing all the way up into a little donut!
18. He brings a lunch pail to work, even though he probably really doesn't.
19. Everything went well but the loss.
20. His teammates call him Wader. I’ll say! Wader, check please!
21. He said this weekend he's gonna give him a blow in Seattle. He'd like to, as the season goes on, once a week.
22. Hosmer! What a play to knock that thing down! And then his arm is still on his body!
23. Rex: It's a beautiful planet.
Ryan: Well, it's a moon...
Rex: Looks like a planet to me.
24. The bird's nest is full, and Holland has got to be able to keep that goose egg in it.
25. He knows how to handle those dirty socks!
26. Let me show you in fast motion -- if you can watch my hands. They used to call me the Thief of Baghdad.
27. I've sampled several types of insects. Moths are a little dusty.
28. That ball's got some hair on it.
29. That feels so good, he's like, "Ha ha! There it was, something I could reach out and touch!"
30. It's how you ingest the pie that will determine how far your future will be in this game.
31. He wants to feel the wood in his hands.
32. Everything's going right for the Royals. Stay in the tree, fellas.
33. Speaking about the great country of Louisiana, I'm sure.
34. I think Lorenzo will drop his doinker here.
35. Monty drilled me at The Little K my first year.
36. Ned Yost is a baseball guy. He knows baseball.
37. He's going back with a little cock, and then he's coming through with his hands.
38. And he started running around the clubhouse like a soccer guy that scored a goal.
39. I didn't recognize him.. because I've never met him. So I guess that makes sense.
40. Does football even have a Pro Bowl?
41. Luck is a big word that is used, and we see it all the time in society and in life.
42. With that one swing, Billy said, "how dare you. not designate me as a hitter today."
43. Hitters like the chocolate chips. Especially with the chips on base.
44. It’s like a dragster, you see how they race? They go pedal to the metal and they are OUT.
45. Hud: Maternity. Fraternity, It's Fraternity, right?
Hud: I knew it was one of those things.
46. Oakland plays both of their sports in one city.
47. There's an umpire at every base, nearly.
48. I don't blame you. It looks nice and tight.
49. That's a pretty nice picture of a bus.
50. Peguero, he shot an arrow!
51. Frasor... pulls out... the razor. Nice.
52. If you can find the hole, you win. If not, it can be a very frustrating evening.
53. That movement was sick. Sick is a word I learned from my kids, Ryan. That's one of the words the young kids use nowadays.
54. It's bad to get hit on your chin. Because it's attached to your head.
55. You're asking a dumb bird a stupid question.
56. What a great natural drug ice is.
57. What do you call Puerto Rico? Is it a State? Is it a Country? I know it's not a planet.
58.Yard is another word for ballpark. Players say that.
59. And Billy's drive... sends Bauer.. to the shower.
If you would like to participate in Hudisms: 2015, here is how you can:
1. Listen to Rex Hudler
2. Write down what he says
3. Send his quotes to Tom. You can find him on Twitter @TJFsports