If you’re a fan of a sport such as baseball, you may be interested in a little something called the "All-Star game." The All-Star game is a tradition held across many sports, such as baseball, basketball, and probably cricket or something. Next month, baseball is holding its All-Star game, and you can bet we’re super excited about it!
Any athlete is eligible to compete in this All-Star game, but they either have to get voted in by the fans or defeat their league's manager in a best-of-three series of Chinese checkers. Bad news for players this year: Ned Yost is the reigning North American Chinese checkers champion!
To make people more excited for the All-Star game, the Major League Base Ball committee, a group of five people wearing assorted hats, releases voting results each week leading up to the game. The players in the lead have the best chance of starting the All-Star game. The players in last place get fed to Xiuhtecuhtli, the volcano god.
Nothing says good summer fun like baseball and human sacrifice to Xiuhtecuhtli!
You can find this week’s voting results pretty much anywhere, and it seems like most people are pretty happy with them! But we wanted to find out who the kinds of people were that contributed to those results. So we took an informal survey, walked around a mall a little bit, decided to get a haircut, and vigorously shook a magic 8 ball to find out!
We discovered there are five types of people voting for the All-Star game:
1. Royals Fans
You’ve probably heard of Royals fans, and if you haven’t, they’ve probably appeared to you in a dream. This type of person is endlessly loyal to their team. When they submit their ballot, they make sure to put every single player from their team on it, even the people who are really, really bad at baseball!
Royals fans are truly loyal fans. Are you listening, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush? If you want to win the election next year, you better sign a contract with the Royals! We hear they’re looking for second basemen.
2. Royals Fans
Oh, man. Everybody has that one Royals fan at their office. You know the guy. He likes the Royals a lot, but isn’t it afraid to speak out if he thinks they’re doing something wrong. This guy will vote for every Royals player hundreds of times a day – except for Omar Infante and Alex Rios, because those players probably don’t belong in the All-Star game.
He’s a passionate fan, sure. But he also likes the game of baseball, and doesn’t want the All-Star game turned into a farce. All of the Royals starting the game? That’s too many. Better pare it down to seven.
3. Royals Fans
Whenever there’s a baseball party, these guys are the first ones there! They love baseball and like to think rationally about it. They’re fans of the Royals, so you can expect them to vote for their favorite players. But if they’re feeling particularly saucy, they might choose to split some of their votes.
Eric Hosmer is good, sure. But so is Miguel Cabrera. Nelson Cruz is having a better season than Kendrys Morales. These fans often choose to split their votes between players in situations like these, thus rendering their choices completely meaningless. But don’t tell them that, or you won’t get invited to the next big baseball party!
4. Royals Fans
If you’re in an empty room and you don’t see a Royals fan, then it’s probably you. Don’t worry. Once you get to know them, Royals fans are actually cool people!
This type of voter doesn’t like to make a big deal out of the All-Star game.They’ll probably spend their allotted 35 votes, or 70, if they have a second email address. And they’ll vote for the Royals, of course. But they’re too busy to worry about sending off votes every day.
In the long run, their votes don’t mean much. But they can be proud that they did their part. And who knows? Maybe, in the end, their votes will be the difference. You never know what could happen.
5. Royals Fans
Whoa! Does that group sound familiar? Royals fans are just like any of the other groups listed above, except they also take every measure necessary to keep players from the St. Louis Cardinals out of the All-Star game.
Whether that means voting in fan-favorites like Nori Aoki or just voting for an entire roster of Cubs, Royals fans can be unpredictable. But you do know one thing: They’re never going to vote for a Cardinal.
If you’re going to be a voter from any of these groups, pick this one, because the mayor gives out a big medal to all of the Royals fans at a super-secret, super-special banquet at the end of the season. We hear it’s made out of chocolate! Yum!
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There you have it! Those are the five types of people who vote for the All-Star game.
Grumbling because you don’t see your group on here?
Then you should probably stop complaining and start voting.