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Royals defeateth Tigers 15-7 in an epic battle

Verily verily; our heroes hath triumphed.

Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Forsooth, the Legend of the Game of Ages shall thenceforth be told:

On the Third Day of the Ninth Month in the year Two Thousand Fifteen, the Tigers of Detroit and the Royals of Kansas City thusly faced each other in a Game of Baseball foretold by the Prophet Selig. It was a long and glorious clash of swords, a battle of attrition that shall be bequeathed upon future generations as of a pure lamb.

In the Cathedral of Kauffman, Edinson Volquez the Steady began the game twirling a confusing and muchly disappointing baseball to the Tigers. Anthony de Gose began with a home run of the leadoff classification, beginning a harrowing experience. Volquez permitted a trio of runs, as Ian de Kinsler, Miguel El Cabrera, and Nick Castellanos of Nottingham annexed two additional runs to the home run of de Gose. Lo, the score was 3-0 Tigers. Almost fourty pitches it took The Steady to weather the storm, and a third of an hour transpired upon the sundial before the Royals stepped to the plate.

Indeed, 'twas the Royal time to shine, and it was made so. Sir Ben Zobrist, OBP began the retaliation with a single to call his own. A curious man only known as 'The Cain' imitated Sir Ben with yet another one-base hit. The local magician worked his magic, and the Wizard of Hos (whose real name is rumored to be Eric) traveled to first base with nary a swing of his lumber, filling the bases with blue and white. Kendrys d'Morales scored two for the home knights with a single, scoring The Cain and Sir Ben. Lo, the score was 3-2 Tigers after a mere inning, which seemed to last through the night.

In the subsequent visit of the Royals to the plate in the bottom of the second inning, the blue and white men enforced their mastery of the game of baseball. New squires Cheslor Cuthbert and Christian Colon singled to lead off the second inning. Sir Ben, previously of the Dark Forest of Oakland, again proved his worth in the City of Kansas by singling again and scoring Squire Cuthbert.

Then, The Cain showed his power against Matt Boyd the Flatulant, The Cain swung with his might. The leather sphere disappeared into the night. The Cain rounded the bases in victory, his gleaming smile a beautiful contrast against his supple, muscular, dark skin. Lo, the score was 6-3 Royals after two innings. One twenty-fourth of the sundial had been eclipsed. Yet, the night was still young.

Volquez the Steady grinded through only one additional, grueling inning against Detroit. After allowing subsequent knocks to Castellanos of Nottingham, El Cabrera, and Tyler di Collins, the scored became tied! Perdition! Volquez even hurled a baseball that struck Jose Iglesias of Défense in his pointer digit. Iglesias of Défense departed the game, followed soon by Volquez. After three desperate innings, no gain had been made by either squad.

The Men in Blue and White recovered, finally amassing a lead that would be kept for a victory in the fourth inning. The Wizard and d'Morales struck with dual singles. On a hit that neglected to abandon the inner field, Jonny Gomes, the Patriot saturated each base with a Royal once again. It was Sir Alex Gordon, OBP, the Danger Ox himself, who sent the Royals into the glorious lead with a selfless sacrifice. Lo, the score was 7-6 Royals.

Further baseball was henceforth played, yet it did maketh no difference upon the outcome. The Royalty of the City of Kansas notched an additional eight runs upon their total. Prince Ned Yost, unhappy with the length of the contest (the final score was finalised after four hours), cruelly put Wade Davis, an oddly mechanical creature of utter fear, to destroy the Tigers in the eighth inning. Detroit coveted the Royals' prized bullpen arm. Prince Yost did not heed their cries for mercy.

The ultimate tally for the game included thirty-four hits, eight walks, twenty-two runs, and forty-four baserunners. But Hark! The Royals did indeed triumph.

So shall it be. Amen.