There will be no post-season this year for the Royals, but surprisingly, the playoffs will continue on without them. Even without the Yankees or Cardinals! There are some potentially interesting matchups for the objective baseball observer, but we are far from objective, we are fans, and we have some serious grievances against some of these teams!
Let's take a look at some of the post-season contenders and decide which of these suitors is befitting of our support to succeed the Royals as champions.
Western Division Champs: Texas Rangers (95-67)
Pros: The Texas Rangers have never won a championship before. Adrian Beltre is so much fun. They have Rougned Odor, who punched Jose Bautista this year, and a potential Rangers/Jays re-match from last year's playoffs could be intense.
Cons: The team is trying to bilk the metro out of millions to pay for another stadium to replace the current one that is just over two decades old. A World Series championship in Texas will get less print than that week's high school football game.
Central Division Champs: Cleveland Indians (94-67)
Pros: Its the year of Cleveland! Perhaps the Cavaliers have ended the streak of suffering for Cleveland sports fans with their NBA title and the Indians will follow up with a championship of their own. The Indians have not won a championship since 1948.
Cons: They’re a division rival. We’d have to hear that drum guy in the World Series. There may be empty seats for the post-season. Trevor Bauer is kind of a jerk.Their cartoonish mascot is kinda sorta really racist.
Eastern Division Champs: Boston Red Sox (93-69)
Pros: It would be a cool send-off for David Ortiz to win it all in his final season. Fenway Park in October is electric. Xander Bogaerts, Jackie Bradley Jr. and Mookie Betts are among the most fun young players in the game to watch.
Cons: Enough already! The Red Sox have won three championships in the last 13 years. The city of Boston has won nine sports championships since 2001. Knock it off.
First Wild Card: Toronto Blue Jays (89-73)
Pros: The Blue Jays were the last team to make the playoffs under the current divisional format, when they made it last year, a playoff drought of 21 seasons. We need Canadians to be in a good mood this fall so we can all move there after the election.
Second Wild Card: Baltimore Orioles (89-73)
Pros: The Orioles haven’t won a championship since 1983 and have finished dead last six times since then. They mash a ton of home runs, which are fun to watch.
Central Division Champs: Chicago Cubs (103-58)
Pros: The Cubs haven’t won a World Series since before radio was invented. They’re the lovable losers. We share some common enemies - the White Sox and Cardinals. Beloved former Royals second baseman Ben Zobrist plays for them. Chicago is a fun sports town which would have the most amazing championship celebration ever after the Cubs win it all.
Cons: Red Sox fans were lovable losers until they won, then they became insufferable. Its the Chicago Cubs, so they’ll probably blow it somehow.
Eastern Division Champs: Washington Nationals (95-67)
Pros: The Nationals franchise has never even won a pennant, and there hasn’t been a World Champion in Washington since 1924. Bryce Harper would make baseball fun again.
Cons: It would please those fat cats in Washington!
Western Division Champs: Los Angeles Dodgers (91-71)
Pros: The Dodgers have a rich tradition, but haven’t even won a pennant since 1988. It would be a fitting tribute to Vin Scully for the Dodgers to win a championship in his final year of announcing.
Cons: The Dodgers spent eleventy billion dollars on players, which seems kinda not fair.
First Wild Card: New York Mets (87-75)
Cons: Their pitching is in shambles right now. Still don’t like Noah Syndergaard for his stunt last year.
Second Wild Card: San Francisco Giants (87-75)
Pros: Nice weather. Could watch old friend Johnny Cueto pitch. Hunter Pence would think he's at Burning Man.
Cons: They've won three championships in the last eight years. Madison Bumgarner is a bit of a jerk. Still kinda bitter about 2014.