Kansas City, Missouri - According to multiple anonymous and totally legit sources whose names we obviously can't reveal for super important reasons, the Kansas City Royals are going to wear flamingo costumes for the seventh inning on opening day against the New York Mets.
As you may recall, Matt Harvey, starter of Game Five of the World Series, drove to Citi Field wearing a platypus skin jacket and two dull grey cowboy boots. A few days earlier, Noah Syndergaard practiced his throws in a viking hat and a loincloth made out of thick, blond, Swedish hair. The Royals were understandably appalled at both of these occurrences.
Despite thoroughly embarrassing the Mets by defeating them in a humiliating come-from-behind victory against their star pitcher and closer, slamming shut their ability to win their first World Series in 29 years, the Royals are apparently going to strike back on opening day with a costumed salvo of their own. According to our sources, of which there are again more than one and who are absolutely knowledgeable and inherently trustworthy despite their anonymity, the Royals were not simply content with winning the World Series. Instead, our exemplary and completely real sources say, the Royals are more interested in a petty game of extravagant garment proliferation than beginning an entire season of baseball by focusing on winning and not making unnecessary fools of themselves.
Ned Yost has flatly denied these thoroughly legitimate accusations, reportedly saying "I don't wear flamingo costumes." This, of course, could be construed as an elaborate hoax in order to perpetrate the stunning flamingosity that he is preparing to unleash in the seventh inning, on a Sunday. The monster.
In addition, you should probably take us at our word despite no real reason to do so that the New York Mets coaching staff is aware of Kansas City's plan. Our sources have heard and then repeated to us that some members in the Mets' front office feel, 'disturbed, nonplussed, and oddly aroused' by the Royals' Phoenicopterus mischief. We are telling you this with no possible ulterior motives, such as creating unnecessary drama for clicks or for hyping an already-hyped first game of the season.
Our sources did not add anything else to this story, and once again there are not being fabricated even a little bit. As your pipeline to these anonymous heroes, we certainly have no interest at all in distorting the truth or creating some out of thin air because you don't know otherwise.