The Kansas City Royals just got swept, Roomba'd into submission by an Angels squad who have been affiliated with Los Angeles, Anaheim, and the entire state of California. Tonight, the Royals get a moment to think about what they've done (or not done) recently before going to rainy Seattle to face on the newly-sold Mariners.
There is other baseball being played. Here are tonight's games.
Chicago White Sox at Baltimore Orioles, 7:05 ET
Excitement Level: that time you saw your cats tearing through the house like ninja warriors
It's John Danks vs. Tyler Wilson, everybody! Still, this is a battle between the AL Central and AL East leaders. It should be a good game, I guess? Time will tell if Baltimore and Chicago are actually good. Obviously, it would be good if Chicago lost, but that would mean La Canfora wins, so. Unclear.
Atlanta Braves at Boston Red Sox, 7:10 ET
Excitement Level: a grandchild destroying his grandfather at Mario Kart
Turns out the Red Sox have been pretty good this year; they're barely trailing the Orioles for first place in the AL East. The Braves are the worst team in baseball and are willingly employing Jeff Francoeur. The Braves once won 11 straight NL East titles. They've won once in the past decade. So it goes.
St. Louis Cardinals at Arizona Diamondbacks, 9:40 ET
Excitement Level: probably a muffin
Unfortunately, the Cardinals are going to be good again. The Diamondbacks, though, are far more interesting. They did a lot of things over the offseason, the most stunning of which was trying to make Zack Greinke into Scrooge McDuck by giving him a roomfull of cash. Greinke has been very bad so far. That makes our concerns over Joakim Soria a little more palatable.
Miami Marlins at Los Angeles Dodgers, 10:10 ET
Excitement Level: a mildly out-of-tune guitar solo performed by someone named Luis
The Marlins are sort of fascinating. They have garish colors, a collection of superstars in Jose Fernandez (tonight's starter) and Giancarlo Stanton, a fossil superstar in Ichiro Suzuki, and a bunch of players who just sort of found their way to a baseball field and haven't stopped playing yet. Will Stanton hit a 600 foot home run? Will Ichiro literally fall apart as his corkscrew, opposite-field swing finally does him in? Nobody knows. The Dodgers are relatively boring. Yeah, they've got Yasiel Puig, but the rest of their team is the type of expensive good that surprises nobody.