clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Game L Thread: The Devil Rays of St. Petersburg versus the Royals of Kansas City

New, 511 comments

The Red Army descends upon Kauffman Stadium.

The Devil Rays' send-off before heading to Kansas City
The Devil Rays' send-off before heading to Kansas City
Handout/Getty Images

The scourge of communism and the Red Scare washed ashore in Kansas City today as the United States honors its fallen heroes. It is thought that the Red Army's special baseball force, the St. Petersburg Devil Rays, came up the Missouri River under the cloak of night, coming ashore while a handful of drunk, down-on-their-luck gamblers watched incredulously from the shores near Harrah's after busting out.

Full of fake-sounding names designed specifically to blend into the contemporary American tapestry like Evan Longoria (add an 'n' much?), Steven (because you can't call him John Philip) Souza, and Brandon Guyer (Manner didn't cut the muster), these Devil Rays are most definitely Russian soldiers who should be expected to stoop to the lowest levels in their quest to undermine America's morale by beating the World Champion Kansas City Royals in America's pastime.

These Devil Rays are underhanded. They'll send Matt Andriese to the mound to face the World Champions. The Royals have elected to fight the Red Menace with their own Red Menace, Ian Kennedy.

The Devil Rays will send these men to the field:

The Kansas City Storm Chasers Royals will look like this: