Are you suffering from Game of Thrones withdrawal? Have you always wondered what role your favorite Royals player would take were he to participate in the Game of Thrones? WONDER NO MORE! Our top notch analysts have been hard at work with spreadsheets and other math things to make sure this is the most accurate representation of the Royals if they were Game of Thrones characters ever.
WARNING: GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS AHEAD
Seriously, turn back now if you don’t want to see any spoilers!
This is where I type some things in order to make sure you don’t accidentally see any spoilers. If you’re still scrolling down you are aware that you may be spoiled for the books and the TV series by the following information.
Ser Davos Seaworth - A man of honor, great heart, and fortitude. Ever since he first appeared he’s been a rock for the people around him. He also knows the penalty due those who try to steal from the crown.
Loras Tyrell - He has beautiful hair and is beloved by many. Never really gets to do very much.
Robb Stark - He sure looks like the chosen one, but just when you think he’s about break out and prove it he gets stabbed (aka hits a lot of groundballs and otherwise hits poorly)
Jon Snow - A man who has hidden noble blood, but is still shunted aside and dismissed by the people who judge such things. Those closer to the dirt see his worth and know that he has come to save us all.
Samwell Tarly - He has a great big smile and he just wants to prove that he belongs here. Comes through in the clutch, whether it’s stabbing white walkers or having long at-bats.
Ramsay Snow/Bolton - In the Game of Thrones Ramsay often receives all kinds of screen time and is shown doing things we’d really rather he didn’t do. In baseball, Alcides Escobar is given all kinds of at bats and is doing things we’d really rather he didn’t do.
Tyrion "The Imp" Lannister - Everyone always underestimates The Imp, but he is constantly getting things done and improving life for the people he serves. Even so, he still gets chased out of town on a regular basis.
Olenna Tyrell - Just because they’ve got a bit of age on them doesn’t mean you’re actually going to get anything by them.
Janos Slynt - Leveraged loyalty to go from a common birth (non-prospect) to noble titles (starting role); the primary difference between these two men is who they pledged their swords to. This difference means Paulo likely won’t be banished as Janos was.
Varys "The Spider" - In the Game of Thrones, Varys appears to have unexplained powers of teleportation, allowing him to pop up where you least expect him. Opposing teams know that Jarrod Dyson has the same power.
Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish - He appears to have some small skill in the same department as Varys, always showing up in places you didn’t think he could possibly be. Since he’s not quite as fast he also uses his wits to take the best route to his goals. He started with almost no power, but has slowly been gathering it over time.
Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane - A huge man with giant strength, Kendrys Morales crushes baseballs with the same enthusiasm that The Mountain displays when crushing heads.
Oberyn Martell - The beautiful man appeared and briefly made everyone think he was going to be able to stop the plodding Mountain from ruining everything. Unfortunately for him, the Mountain rose up and started crushing things again.
Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun - These giants have many common traits; they’re both very tall, they’re both the last of their kind (giant and slow-tossing starter), and when they throw things, whether they be baseballs or humans, it’s hard to pick up the trajectory because of the height difference.
Danaerys Targaryan - Potentially strong leaders who both command fire, but neither are quite as mature as they need to be. Sometimes they go too far when exacting revenge, other times they are seen as entirely too passive when there is work to be done.
Tormund Giantsbane - Has an affinity for furs and a giant beard. His cheerful disposition makes him seem like a good drinking buddy. He also has a fierce competitive spirit that makes his enemies fear him. Strikes out a lot.
Khal Drogo - When he first showed up he commanded the attention of everyone and dominated everything he saw. More recently he’s been a shell of his former self.
Jorah Mormont - Had some issues with doing the right thing earlier in life, before we met him. Now he tries to only use his power for good while attempting to advise Danaerys but seem to be frequently ignored, and still does rash things of his own.
Drogon - Unstoppable flame-throwing force. Cannot be contained.
Theon Greyjoy - Was a fan favorite early on, but then switched sides. When he tried to return he wasn’t quite the man he used to be. He is now trying to redeem himself, but some people just aren’t having it.
Brienne of Tarth - Not as unstoppable as Drogon, but you’re still not going to beat either of them. Both have had to work hard to change perceptions about themselves to get where they are today.
The High Sparrow - Very good at keeping people right where he wants them. Usually seems to be ahead of his opponents, but occasionally miscalculates with explosive results.
Bronn - Was a sturdy fighting man early on, then disappeared for a period to do who knows what. Has recently reappeared and doesn’t have to do much, but is a steady contributor none-the-less.
Maester Qyburn - Once completely dismissed by the body he served, he has had a recent resurgence. Could he be priming himself for a larger role?
Brandon Stark - A lot of responsibility has recently been thrust upon him, even though he does not seem prepared for it. Will he rise to the occasion or ruin everything? Has a problem with walking.
Catelyn Stark - A supporting role player, was considered for a larger role but ultimately the moment passed and has returned to relative obscurity.
Gendry (Robert Baratheon’s illegitimate son) - He sure looked like he was gonna be important when we first met him, but he ended up being kinda useless and now no one is sure where he is.
Sandor "The Hound" Clegane - As a friend recently pointed out to me, both of these men have animal themed nicknames. They’ve also both been burned, Sandor by his cruel brother, Moose by the sudden wide-spread use of defensive shifts. Also, both disappeared for an extended period of time but are expected to make large impacts when they return.
Robert Baratheon - He seemed like a really good idea at the time, but it just never really worked out and his reign was cut short.
Eddard "Ned" Stark - Not only do these two men share a name, but they share a temperament. They both appear less cunning than would otherwise be desirable because they always act from their sense of duty and honor above all else.