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Rejected Royals Christmas Carols

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Also scrapped: Plans for a Star Wars parody

Jorge Bonifacio is in the holiday spirit!

It’s well known around town these days that the Royals have lost a lot of money the last couple of years because their ungrateful players refused to play baseball well enough to win a fistful of World Series. What is perhaps less known is that Dayton Moore, in his infinite wisdom, had plotted a way to earn some of that money back: by having the Royals go door to door singing Christmas Carols for donations to the roster budget.

Unfortunately for the entertainment of Royals fans everywhere David Glass nixed the idea as too costly up front. All those Santa suit rentals can be expensive! But using top secret Royals Review connections and informants the top secret list of songs along with some choice excerpts can be found below:

Swing and a Miss (to the tune of Silent Night)

Swing and a miss, it happened again

Duffy’s slider made them look dumb

they’ve struck out ten times already

Why can’t you do this Kennedy?

Slam your bat and go ba-ack!

Sit your butt on the bench.

Trevor the Padres Pitcher (to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

Trevor the Padres’ pitcher

has a really crummy curve

and every time he threw it

the other team would hit for sure!

Moose, Hos, Cain (to the tune of We Three Kings)

The three kings of Royals are

not yet gone but they could go far

We might pay them with donations

please give us money, fans.

Blue Christmas

This one wouldn’t be a parody. Just straight up Blue Christmas.

Hos Hits Balls (to the tune of Deck the Halls)

Hos hit a game-winning homer off Holly

back back back back back that ball was gone

that was the last time fans felt jolly

cha-ching-cha-ching-cha-ching now he’s gone, too

don we now our Whit apparel

Whit can hit, twice as nice! And run, too!

Maybe Zimmer will pitch next year

Ha ha ha ha ha! That’s a good one!

Salvy the Catcher (to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)

Salvy the catcher

catches pitches every day

and his teammates say he can laugh and play

while he throws out runners, yay!

The 12 Days of Contracts (to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas)

On the first day of Christmas I really want to get

Eric Hosmer signed to a contract

on the second day of Christmas I really want to get

Mike Moustakas, and Eric Hosmer signed to a contract

On the third day of Christmas I really want to get

Lorenzo Cain, Mike Moustakas, and Eric Hosmer signed to a contract...

The Royal Song (to the tune of The Christmas Song)

Baseball fans sitting in the stands

each one holding a cold brew

Long, high homers being hit on demand

by folks dressed up in Royal blue

The First Home Run (to the tune of The First Noel)

The first home run that the Royals did hit

was in their fifth game by Mike Fiore

He played first for the team in his second season

He was not known for power but he took it deep

Royal World Series (to the tune of Hark, the Herald!)

Can you believe the Royals have rings!

Glory to those ‘15 Kings!

Many were great, but the Royals were better!

Just enjoy Esky’s first pitch swings!

Let’s just hope Dayton’s ability to make deals this off-season far outstretches the quality of these parodies, shall we?

Poll

Which Christmas Song above would you actually like to hear?

This poll is closed

  • 3%
    Swing and a Miss
    (3 votes)
  • 8%
    Trevor the Padres Pitcher
    (7 votes)
  • 6%
    Moose, Hos, Cain
    (6 votes)
  • 6%
    Blue Christmas
    (6 votes)
  • 13%
    Hos Hits Balls
    (12 votes)
  • 28%
    Salvy the Catcher
    (25 votes)
  • 11%
    The 12 Days of Contracts
    (10 votes)
  • 2%
    The Royal Song
    (2 votes)
  • 3%
    The First Home Run
    (3 votes)
  • 14%
    Royals World Series
    (13 votes)
87 votes total Vote Now