It’s well known around town these days that the Royals have lost a lot of money the last couple of years because their ungrateful players refused to play baseball well enough to win a fistful of World Series. What is perhaps less known is that Dayton Moore, in his infinite wisdom, had plotted a way to earn some of that money back: by having the Royals go door to door singing Christmas Carols for donations to the roster budget.
Unfortunately for the entertainment of Royals fans everywhere David Glass nixed the idea as too costly up front. All those Santa suit rentals can be expensive! But using top secret Royals Review connections and informants the top secret list of songs along with some choice excerpts can be found below:
Swing and a Miss (to the tune of Silent Night)
Swing and a miss, it happened again
Duffy’s slider made them look dumb
they’ve struck out ten times already
Why can’t you do this Kennedy?
Slam your bat and go ba-ack!
Sit your butt on the bench.
Trevor the Padres Pitcher (to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Trevor the Padres’ pitcher
has a really crummy curve
and every time he threw it
the other team would hit for sure!
Moose, Hos, Cain (to the tune of We Three Kings)
The three kings of Royals are
not yet gone but they could go far
We might pay them with donations
please give us money, fans.
This one wouldn’t be a parody. Just straight up Blue Christmas.
Hos Hits Balls (to the tune of Deck the Halls)
Hos hit a game-winning homer off Holly
back back back back back that ball was gone
that was the last time fans felt jolly
cha-ching-cha-ching-cha-ching now he’s gone, too
don we now our Whit apparel
Whit can hit, twice as nice! And run, too!
Maybe Zimmer will pitch next year
Ha ha ha ha ha! That’s a good one!
Salvy the Catcher (to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)
Salvy the catcher
catches pitches every day
and his teammates say he can laugh and play
while he throws out runners, yay!
The 12 Days of Contracts (to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas)
On the first day of Christmas I really want to get
Eric Hosmer signed to a contract
on the second day of Christmas I really want to get
Mike Moustakas, and Eric Hosmer signed to a contract
On the third day of Christmas I really want to get
Lorenzo Cain, Mike Moustakas, and Eric Hosmer signed to a contract...
The Royal Song (to the tune of The Christmas Song)
Baseball fans sitting in the stands
each one holding a cold brew
Long, high homers being hit on demand
by folks dressed up in Royal blue
The First Home Run (to the tune of The First Noel)
The first home run that the Royals did hit
was in their fifth game by Mike Fiore
He played first for the team in his second season
He was not known for power but he took it deep
Royal World Series (to the tune of Hark, the Herald!)
Can you believe the Royals have rings!
Glory to those ‘15 Kings!
Many were great, but the Royals were better!
Just enjoy Esky’s first pitch swings!
Let’s just hope Dayton’s ability to make deals this off-season far outstretches the quality of these parodies, shall we?
Which Christmas Song above would you actually like to hear?
This poll is closed
Swing and a Miss
Trevor the Padres Pitcher
Moose, Hos, Cain
Hos Hits Balls
Salvy the Catcher
The 12 Days of Contracts
The Royal Song
The First Home Run
Royals World Series