Kansas City Metro - Overland Park native Forrest Hill was extraordinarily peeved by the performance of the Kansas City Royals baseball team after yet another blowout to a lesser opponent.
“I’m just, man, I’m just really extraordinarily peeved,” Hill grumbled as he nursed a warm Bud Light at the Buffalo Wild Wings on 105th and Metcalf. The visage of Joel Goldberg flickered in the corner TV Hill had been watching before the server turned the channel to Sportscenter. “They’re just so terrible. I know they’ve been good, but geez, this is so frickin’ stupid.” Hill slowly wiped his face and then pounded the table in indignation. “This team is done! They’re just done!”
The Royals had indeed traversed a trio of brutal contests. Over these last three games from May 24-26, the Royals have been outscored 25-3, the crown jewel in the losing streak tiara being the New York Yankees’ complete shellacking of poor Jeremy Guthrie to the tune of a 14-1 beatdown.
“That’s not what championship teams do,” Hill continued to exclaim with increasing intensity. “There’s just no way they can go back to the World Series and win. What is this, a redemption season? Bumgarner just screwed us over last year. We’re done. DONE. Like we’re going to trade for Ben Zobrist or Johnny Cueto to make the next step even if we were still in first in July, which we won’t be.” Hill’s eyes danced as he worked himself into a fury. “You kow what championship teams do? Not lose three embarrassing games in a row. You know what championship teams do? Lose to worse teams. You know what championship teams do? NOT BE THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS, THAT’S WHAT.”
The interview paused as a helpful woman from the next table over suggested to Hill that three games was “only like two percent of the entire season,” but Hill bravely eschewed such levelheadedness and simple math. “THAT’S NOT THE POINT,” Hill yelled as curious eyes and ears wandered over to the conversation. “The Royals just suck this year. It’s not like this is a 95-win team that could theoretically break a 30-year champion drought with a World Series victory. They just lost a few games in a row! Inconceivable.”