I went to St. Louis for the first time in years this Spring. I did so to see The Lion King at the Fabulous Fox Theater. While there, my wife and I spied a billboard with a picture of a football player clad in the University of Missouri’s iconic black and gold color scheme. The text of the billboard proclaimed with unnerving intensity: ‘MIZZOU: St. Louis’ Football Team.’
That this passed through the ad agency’s copy editors untouched is astonishing, for the subtext of that billboard was equally clearly, ‘Well, You Don’t Have the Rams Anymore, So Let’s Prey On That Gaping Hole.’ The billboard could just as easily said ‘MIZZOU: Missouri’s Football Team’ or ‘MIZZOU: Tiger Football Tix Available Now’ and appealed to St. Louisians’ football itch without being weird about it. But, to my amusement, it didn’t.
Fortunately for St. Louis and unfortunately for the rest of the country, the St. Louis Cardinals are still a thing and will continue to be a thing forever. Tonight, the Kansas City Royals will grapple with the Cardinals to attempt to even the season series at one all.
With Jason Vargas on the mount, the Royals will utilize an odd roster devoid of Salvador Perez (injury), Alex Gordon (suckiness), Mike Moustakas at third base (where he is DH instead), and the return of Cheslor Cuthbert at the hot corner.
St. Louis will counter with Michael Wacha, the human embodiment of Fozzy Bear’s jokes. Wacha Wacha!