Royals Humor, Satire, & Nonsense

Let’s see who Royals players look like on the Google Arts and Culture app

Duff can pitch a masterpiece, but can he look like one?

By Max Rieper@maxrieper Jan 16, 2018, 2:55pm EST

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If you’re hip to the social media, you have probably noticed the Google Culture and Arts app. The app has been around for two years, but recently added a new feature allowing users to take a selfie of themselves, and the app tries to find the best match to a work of art. Ah, all it took was some deep-seated narcissism!

The Royals have played like a maestro in past years, causing fans to look like this.

Self-portrait of the artist in the guise of a mockingbird, by Joseph Ducreux (1793)

But the next few years may cause fans to look more like this.

The Scream, by Edvard Munch (1893)

Anyway, I was interested in seeing what works of art could compare to our Royals. Yes, this has been a dreadfully boring off-season.

By the Table, by Henri Fantin-Latour (1872)

The Moose doppelganger is just part of a group of bros sitting down for a good time. The full image can be viewed here - the party looks lit!

The group is actually a portrayal of Henri’s favorite writers and poets. Arthur Rimbaud is perhaps the most famous one, but Moustakas apparently looks most similar to Paul Verlaine, a French poet part of the decadent movement. His poetry inspired many composers, such as Claude Debussy, who set Claire de Lune to music, but he never set a franchise home run record.

Portrait of Giovanni Battista Sirani, by Carlo Lasinio (1789)

What you look like when you enter free agency expecting $200 million vs. what you look like once you head into mid-January still unsigned.

Portrait of a Black Sailor, by unknown (1880)

Some have attributed this painting to Paul Cuffee, an abolitionist from Massachusettts of Wampanoag and Ashanti descent. Cuffee made a living as a whaler and a trader, but was denied the right to vote because he was not a white man. He sued the state, arguing he was suffering from taxation without representation, the exact same idea separatists had used to declare independence from Great Britain. His suit lost, but because of his efforts, the state granted all men the right to vote not long after. He also spent thousands of his own dollars trying to re-colonize freed slaves in Africa, even meeting with President James Madison on the subject.

Anyway, Lorenzo Cain was a pretty neat ballplayer.

A Bearded Man, by Giovanni Bellini (1485)

“Its a bearded man, Joel.”

James and Spectators, by Richard Wyatt (1984)

This is actually a mural in Los Angeles at 110 Freeway and Adams Boulevard - you can see the full image here. Wyatt has been an acclaimed artist in southern California for three decades, and you can see much of his work around town, including the walls of Metro and Los Angeles Union Station. He also did the movie poster for Spike Lee’s breakout hit Do the Right Thing.

James looks like he’s about to reach for a Gatorade bucket though.

Frederick Wells Gale, by Eastman Johnson (1876)

Johnson was a co-founder of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. His father was very politically-connected and Johnson painted portraits of very famous people, including some presidents, but I’m not sure who Frederick Wells Gale was, but he probably would have made the Opening Day roster over Whit because of reasons. You can see the full image here.

Twee platen met portretten van Robertus Junius en Dionysius Spranckhuysen, by Isaac Junius (1660)

This translates to “Two places with portraits of Robertus Junius and Dionysius Spranckhuysen” and it hangs in the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, Netherlands, which I have visited. It is quite nice. You can see both plates here. I believe this fellow is Dionysius, who was a pastor that was part of the Dutch reformation movement. He was not in Alex Gordon’s wedding party, so far as I know.