Merry Christmas, Kansas City Royals fans! We’ve been through a lot this year. Specifically, we’ve been through a lot of losing. The number of games the Royals lost is a three-digit number. It might be in 2019. That is sad.
But Christmas isn’t about sadness! It is, rather, about hope. And maybe some shoes, if you’re into that. Mostly hope, though. And today, I’d like to provide Santa a list of items I’d wish to happen, my Christmas Wishes for the 2019 Royals.
Today is the 25th of December, and the Major League active roster consists of 25 spots. Therefore, I will provide 25 wishes for Santa, one for each of the 25 of the most important Royals organization players in the coming year.
Santa, Brett Phillips is one infectious dude. I would like to request that his strikeout rate fall by, oh, half. I want to watch Phillips be good so much. Him striking out 40% of the time ain’t gonna do it.
Santa, I’d like Salvador Perez to hire someone to carry his luggage this year. Please, no more knee injuries, Salvy. As a secondary wish, I’d like Perez to be good enough (and the Royals bad enough) that the Royals trade him for a shiny collection of prospects.
Santa, please let Mondesi’s breakout 2018 season be a harbinger of things to come and not an unfortunate, Mike Aviles-esque blip on the radar. He’s just so dynamic. Mondesi getting MVP votes would be dope as h*ck.
Santa, Gordo is a franchise legend. Please let him go out on top. He deserves it.
Santa, O’Hearn came out of nowhere in 2018. I realize that his ridiculous power is probably unsustainable, but maybe it could be a little sustainable? I’d be happy with 25 home runs and good overall offense. That’s be nice.
Santa, I would like Dozier to bounce back and become an average, productive player. Only the Baseball Gods know if that’s likely or not—Dozier was horrible in 2018, but he’s extremely athletic and a former first round pick for a reason. Please, let Dozier be fun.
Santa, please wrap Soler in magic bubblewrap that will protect his fragile body. He was great for the three weeks or whatever when he was healthy in 2018.
Santa, please let Skoglund acquire a tiny bit of Chris Sale’s talent every time an announcer compares the two, which is a lot more than should really happen.
Santa, I want Whit to be awesome again. He’s fun to watch and a great story of succeeding against the odds stacked against him. If the Royals end up trading him, that’d be neat, too.
Santa, let DUFFMAN gather some Cy Young votes. That’d be neat, yeah?
Santa, Fillmyer was unsustainably fine in 2018, but if he could be sustainably fine that would be neato frito!
Santa, I would request that Lopez debut in the big leagues this year and be good. Preferably as the starting second baseman after a blockbuster Merrifield trade. But as long as he gets regular playing time, I’m cool with whatever.
Santa, please let Kennedy be good enough that some desperate team trades for him because he sure ain’t gonna help the Royals otherwise.
Santa, I would like Lee to continue his ascent towards being a good big league player. I wouldn’t complain about a big league cup of coffee in September, but as long as he plays good enough to warrant consideration that’ll do just fine.
Santa, PLEASE LET STARLING MAKE HIS MLB DEBUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IT’S BEEN SO LONG AND HE WAS THE FIFTH OVERALL PICK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
Santa, please let Mr. Singer be the exception to the TINSTAAPP rule. And, I guess, that it doesn’t rain in any of his games next year.
Santa, please let Seuly rip massive dongs all the way through the minors. At the very least this year, please let him ascend to High-A or Double-A this year continuing to do his thing.
Santa, Brian was a first round pick for a reason, but he has yet to fulfill his promise. May he be a late bloomer out of nowhere a la Whit.
Santa, I would like Melendez to break into top prospect lists and become one of the core members of the Next Wave. Yes, even if the Royals draft Adley Rutschman.
Santa, is Brad Keller for real? Please say yes. Please. Pleeeeeaasse?
Santa, Nick hasn’t been so great in his young career. He hasn’t been bad, per se, but just not ‘The Next Eric Hosmer’ type of good. Please let him be The Next Eric Hosmer good.
Santa, please let Staumont not walk every other batter he face, finally ascend to the Major Leagues, and strike a billion people out with his 100 MPH fastballs.
Santa, I request 60 steals from Billy this year. I wouldn’t say no to 70.
Santa, Jake Junis has been quietly good, and I request that he take the next step forward. And that, if he does, the Royals sign him to a nice extension.
Santa, the Royals’ 2018 bullpen was terrible, like, the-North-Pole-is-melting terrible. Please let Lovelady provide some sweet, sweet comfort as a bastion against the awfulness.