Off-season Royals poetry

The most pressing question of this off-season is when and where all of the free agents will sign. Unless you count the ones asking whether the free agents will actually sign. But right after those comes the question that many aren’t even sure they want answered:

“To what lengths will baseball writers go in this desolate, forsaken hellscape of an off-season in order to produce #content?”

Today that question gets an answer in the form of a bunch of poetry. To those of you who love poetry, you’re welcome and I hope you enjoy. For everyone else, I’m sorry. Just remember before you send all your hate-filled comments and e-mails that this is really the fault of whoever the heck decided that this off-season should be so terrible.

The Ballad of Moose

The battle-scarred, wooden club leaned against the wall;

Many fans once cheered to watch that hammer fall.

Mike had once been promised this time he’d have it made

Instead, he sits alone at home, waiting to get paid.

Eric’s Soliloquy

His leadership, character, charisma came through true.

The gleaming gloves of gold were worth something, too.

Some said he was the very best who could be found this year

But still, he waits to find the team to add on to his career.

Ode to Lorenzo

The underrated player who could do everything

Get hits, take walks, catch flies, and steal. He could even sing

Was told that he would have no chance to get a good deal

But Cain’s the only one whose contract is real

Vargy’s Verse

The crafty lefty made his comeback

But cannot get an offer

Even without the petty restraints

none will open their coffer

His agent trying to get deals

But teams won’t even proffer

A deal to one who can’t throw heat

Why should they even bother?

Limerick of Developmental Disaster

The system lacks prospects of pedigree

Except the one sees those with med degrees,

The shortstop who’s blocked by Esky,

The one who finds strikes quite pesky,

And Bub’ who near left them to be free

Haiku of Baseball Boredom

Free agency sucks

The players should be signed now

Show them the money

Limerick of Non-Collusion

The owners say profits are compact

Or mayhap next year they’ll then act

Whatever the reason

Now is the season

To give these fine players a contract

Tanka of Player Frustration

Players like steam pipes

Seething, roiling pressure builds

None seek release valve

Owners grin like happy frogs

Baseball seems poised to explode.