Since the games on the field have pretty much become academic at this point to the Royals, we’re going to take this preview a different direction. As I’ve lived in Houston a total of about 15 years of my life, I thought I’d share with you some things you may or may not know about Space City, the Bayou City, H-Town, or whatever you choose to call it (some less polite than others).

* Yes, I know this series is at Kauffman. But this week I’m covering for OMD and he’ll be back for next weekend’s series in Houston.

A Little About Houston

First off, it’s officially the 4th largest city in the USA but, really, the 5th largest. If you’re using city population and not MSA population, you’re doing it wrong. When you talk to out of state folks about Kansas City, are you referring to KCMO proper? Or are you including OP, Lee’s Summit, Liberty, etc? It’s almost always the latter so use MSA not city population.

In short, Houston is big by any measure: behind only NYC, LA, and Chicago in both metrics and the DFW metro in MSA. Our mass transit is pretty bad. We have a very small light rail system that is barely over a decade old and only has 22 miles of track. Everything else is a concrete jungle with awful traffic. Houston is also the largest city in the US without zoning regulations. At the end of the day when my wife interviewed for her job here, she remarked “it’s so ugly” (and that’s from someone who A) is from rural Iowa and B) doesn’t care that much about aesthetics). Yeah, we’re a lot of concrete and swamp.

Speaking of swamp, there’s the matter of our climate. I’m going to let Grant Brisbee take this one (the backpack thing is not a myth; I still do this):

There’s no reason this city should exist. It’s hot and sticky. It’s where the kids invented the trend of wearing backpacks with one strap, because wearing them the way they’re intended will make the backpack squish-meld into your skin through your shirt. It’s hot and sticky, and calamity will occasionally shoot from a fire hose out of the Gulf of Mexico. Why is this place here?

We get about 50 inches of rain a year... unless it’s like last year where I personally saw 38~42 inches of rain in about 5 days and some fared even worse. Thanks for nothing, Harvey!

It’s also hot. By the time you’re reading this, we’ll have hit our 23rd straight 90 degree day and 35th overall this year. We’re only halfway through June. We get about 100 of these days a year. So, yeah, basically a third of our year is in the 90s. We rarely get over 100, though. Summer is very consistent: we’re either in a “cooler” pattern of the low 90s with scattered monsoon storms in the afternoon or in the upper 90s and no rain. Either way, we’re humid. Ask anyone who has been here. In fact, just throw out the word “Houston” in conversation and it’s one of the first things that will come up.

Actually, my favorite creepy weather fact is about lows. After our last one in May, we just don’t get cold fronts until sometime in September so there will be 3 straight months where it’s never below 70. Not for a single minute of the “coldest” day for 3 months. 11:23pm on June 2nd? 70s. 5:32am on September 9th after raining all night? Still 70s. If you go outside at 3 am any day during the summer months, you’re going to be sweating within seconds. Not only is it in the 70s, but 100% humidity.

But you know what we don’t have? Winter! We had snow last year and the city practically closed down. There were all sorts of goofy pictures of us building snowmen that might have been a foot tall. We get an ice day or two most years, same thing: city closed. The city is built on overpasses that become the equivalent of an icy bumper cars rink (over 400 accidents in a recent ice storm). The months from October through April can be pleasant. There’s going to be a lot of rainy 50 or 60 degree days in “winter” and many of those days are going to be in the 80s. But it sure as heck beats scraping ice off the car.

We also have lots of mosquitoes. I mean, our AccuWeather literally has a Mosquito Activity report. We also have awful air pollution. Along with the miserable traffic, we’re a city that was built because of oil (and the availability of air conditioning). I feel that one truly hasn’t seen all that Houston has to offer until you’ve driven over the Ship Channel Bridge: in a lot of ways, it looks like a post-apocalyptic industrial hellscape.

I have no way to verify these claims from 1995 (but also no reason to doubt them). On Michael Moore’s short lived show TV Nation, they filmed people from many cities across the country bragging about being #1 in dubious categories. Houston was #1 in convenience stores and sending people to death row. Houston also ranks highly among strip club aficionados and the scene is popular with some of our city’s professional athletes.

But it’s not all bad. Obviously Houston is most known for NASA and the Johnson Space Center is worth a visit. I will always steer visitors towards one of my favorites, the Houston Museum of Natural Science, which boasts one of the top dinosaur collections in the country (ahead of LA, Chicago’s Field Museum, and The Smithsonian). We have Galveston beach nearby, even if it’s a big news story when the water is actually blue (no joke, seriously). Finally, if you’re here in February or March, go to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. It is the largest in the world, drawing more than 2 million visitors annually.

Last but not least, the city is extremely diverse. Many people are surprised to know that Houston is the largest city to have had an openly gay mayor. The diversity also plays into an excellent local food scene. However, if you’re looking for BBQ, you’ve probably come to the wrong part of Texas. You’re better off in Austin or Lockhart. The best BBQ I’ve had in Houston is actually from the suburb of Pearland (though Killen’s is legit and I’ll stack it up against much of the KC que I’ve had).

Series History

If we must talk baseball, let’s do a little walk down memory lane with selected moments in Astros-Royals recent history:

• (2014) Astros Series Preview: Remember when we were this bad?
• (2015) Astros Series Preview: Surprise! The Astros are one of the top teams in the league.
• (2016) Astros Series Preview: Playoff rematch; Governor Greg Abbott congratulates the Astros on winning this series.
• (2017) Royals series preview: The best team in baseball comes to the K.

First they were rebuilding while the Royals were peaking. Guess who is starting a long, arduous rebuild? Guess who has the best run differential in baseball and one of the best records, coming off winning a World Series?

Pitching

How’s the starting pitching? ”Astros’ rotation making case as best ever” Eep.

Actually, looking at the matchups, this could be worse:

• Fri: Morton vs Junis
• Sat: Keuchel vs Duffy
• Sun: McCullers vs Keller

ASTROS

ROYALS

Hitting

What about the hitting? I heard the team got off to a slow start.

Per The Crawfish Boxes: “The Astros have exploded to near the top of the leader board in hitting with a 114 WRC+, second in MLB behind only the Yankees, and 6 points higher than last week.”

Talented and on a roll. Excellent!

ASTROS

ROYALS

At Least...

...we’ll always have this.