Royals embarrass America on her birthday, lose 3-2 to the Indians

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TODAY/TONIGHT, the Kansas City Royals lost to the CLEVELAND INDIANS CITY TEAM NAME by a score of 3-2 SCORE. The INDIANS TEAM NAME simply overpowered a flailing Royals squad, who did not have enough oomph to get the job done.

It began with TREVOR OAKS KANSAS CITY ROYALS STARTER. The INEXPERIENCED YOUNGSTER/AGING VETERAN had some nice moments, but was ultimately unable to contain CLEVELAND CITY. His biggest problems came in PROBABLY THE FIFTH INNING, BUT ALSO MAYBE THE FIRST INNING, when the INDIANS TEAM NAME scored TWO HOW MANY runs by hitting ROYALS STARTER TREVOR OAK’s pitches very far AND/OR scraping together runs with a combination of good plate discipline, poor Royals defense, and sharp baserunning.

On the offensive side of the ball, the Royals were UNABLE TO SCORE/HILARIOUSLY ABLE TO SCORE BUT ON A DAY/NIGHT WHEN IT DIDN’T MATTER. The suckitude was led by TWO OR MORE CONSECUTIVE HITTERS IN THE LINEUP WITHOUT ANY HITS Lucas Duda and Jorge Bonifacio, who went COMBINED LINE a combined 0 for 8 with four strikeouts. A few other Royals had hits, and INSERT ONE GOOD OFFENSIVE EVENT HERE, MAYBE A HOME RUN OR TWO CONSECUTIVE SINGLES, WHATEVER, Kansas City manufactured two runs out of nothing in the second and fifth innings but were unable to score what they needed.

The Kansas City bullpen was FINE, BUT THE SCORE WAS ALREADY OUT OF HAND BY THAT POINT/A TERRIBLE WRECK THAT BLEW THE GAME, AGAIN. The days since the glorious HDH are over. The days since the glorious H...are over. The good days are gone, is what I’m saying.

Anyway, the Royals loss puts them at a record of INSERT HORRIFIC NSFW RECORD HERE 25-61, where they are stunningly not running away with last place overall because the Baltimore Orioles exist. Next, they face WHATEVER BASEBALL TEAM THEY ARE FACING NEXT, the Boston Red Sox, they are likely to continue losing baseball games at a prodigious rate.