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Royals and Cardinals split doubleheader

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The day-night doubleheader featured a win for each team.

MLB: Game Two-Kansas City Cardinals at St. Louis Cardinals Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

The entire series took place in one day! That’s weird. I’ve never written about an entire series before.

The Royals and Cardinals split a day-night doubleheader on Wednesday. It’s an all-you-can-eat night here at Royals Review. Here is your double recap.

Game 1: Royals 8, Cardinals 2

I swear I’ve watched Michael Wacha pitch against the Royals five times, and he’s thoroughly shut them down each time. I know that’s not true, but it feels like it’s true. Today, they finally had Wacha’s number, as they pounded him in his worst game of the year.

Wacha walked the tightrope in the first couple of innings, allowing just an unearned run despite being very shaky early on. But it all blew up in the third when the Royals plated six runs to build a 7-0 lead.

Cam Gallagher singled. Brad Keller sacrifice bunted him to second. Whit Merrifield hit an RBI double (2-0), Nicky Lopez singled, Adalberto Mondesi singled (3-0), Alex Gordon walked, Dozier hit another sac fly (4-0), and Jorge Soler absolutely destroyed a three-run homer (11) into the left-field seats (7-0). Game, set, match.

The Royals added an eighth run in the seventh on an RBI triple by Mondesi. He’s already hit seven triples this year, and he’s at 40 RBI, making him just the seventh Royal to have 40 RBI before the calendar turns to June. I feel like I’m not grasping just how rare and remarkable of a season he’s having.

Brad Keller, save for walking too many guys, was really good. He took a shutout into the eighth inning before giving up a couple of garbage-time runs late, but he still recorded a quality start. 7.0+ innings, two hits, two runs, and three strikeouts made his final line excellent. The only problem was the walks; he walked four people in all, marking the 10th straight game he’s walked at least three. That’s gotta stop. Other than that, he was great.

The win: Keller (3-5). The loss: Wacha (3-2). The record: 17-31.

Game 2: Cardinals 10, Royals 3

Homer Bailey started and promptly pooped his pants. He was awful. He allowed five runs and got five outs. He needed 66 pitches to get through 1.2 innings. It was 5-0 when he left in the second inning. The ERA is 6.13.

Jorge Lopez has been really bad, but if he’s pulled from the rotation before Homer Bailey, it won’t make any sense. You tried it, Dayton. That two-week stretch when we all thought he would turn into a trade piece was cute. But it’s time to end the Homer Bailey era.

Because of Bailey’s aforementioned pants-pooping, the Royals really never had a shot after being put into a 5-0 hole. They did score three unanswered runs on RBI singles by Mondesi and Soler, and a colossal home run by Hunter Dozier (10), but the Cardinals scored more late to put it away.

Scott Barlow struck out a bunch of dudes in a row before running out of gas and giving up a bunch of runs. Everybody saw it coming except for Ned. Lopez pitched two scoreless innings. Adalberto Mondesi made some eye-popping defensive plays. Glenn Sparkman looked good. He should start when Bailey gets DFA’d.

The verdict: We all lost

The Cardinals lost the first game. The Royals lost the second game. But do you know who lost both games? The fans, because they had to listen to Steve Physioc twice in one day. He is so, so dreadful. He said “This is Homer Bailey’s 28th start for the Cardinals” when Bailey has never worn a Cardinals uniform. He said “Whit Merrifield with the Royals’ fourth stolen base of the night” right after Merrifield walked, which was actually the Royals’ fourth walk of the game. He pulled his classic “Oh man, Soler hits one well to center field! Back goes Fowler and... he catches it!” on a routine lineout to center. Every damn time the Royals would have a guy on base and a fast player would hit into a fielder’s choice, he’d be all “alright, they traded a slow guy for a fast guy!” It’s like... Steve, it’s still an out. Stop getting excited.

He did bat a perfect 1.000 on advertisements, though, because the man always nails those promos he gets to read word-for-word off the paper. He is so painful to listen to. Please, Fox Sports Kansas City, stop putting him on TV.