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Cardinals beat lousy Royals, 6-0

These guys ruin everything.

MLB: St. Louis Cardinals at Kansas City Royals Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

Brad Keller had a no-hitter through six innings!

Then, suddenly, he didn’t. And things unraveled. Quickly.

After matching zeroes for six innings, the Cardinals exploded with a five-run seventh inning, burying the Royals for an eventual 6-0 win.

The hapless, pathetic, terrible, awful Royals did not score once in the series. They haven’t beaten the Cardinals at home in more than three calendar years.

Keller didn’t allow any hits in his first six innings, but he was sitting at 96 pitches through 18 outs, so a complete game no-hitter wasn’t very likely. Still, he didn’t leave it up to Ned Yost or anyone because he completely unraveled in the seventh. Somehow, Ned Yost left a guy who entered an inning with a no-no in the game for far too long.

The Cardinals’ seventh: single, single, single, single, single, single, sacrifice fly, RBI groundout, out. Keller gave up the first three hits, and walking dumpster fire Kevin McCarthy was inserted into the contest only to give up three more hits. The inning featured McCarthy and Viloria not communicating and screwing up a bunt single, Whit Merrifield firing a throw way over the first baseman’s head, and Nicky Lopez botching a ground ball that went about 70 feet from home plate. It was 2005-esque.

There is literally nothing to say about the offense. The Royals never seriously threatened against one of baseball’s finest pitchers, Dakota Hudson. Hudson, who hadn’t made it past the fourth in any of his last three starts, shut down the Royals with ease. Forget the 5.6 ERA in the last few games. You would have thought prime Roger Clemens was out there against this hapless offense.

Alex Gordon is 4 for his last, like, 56. Nicky Lopez is basically Chris Getz at the plate. Bubba Starling’s average is creeping closer to .200 by the game. Ryan O’Hearn needed a 2-for-2 start just to get his average back over .170. Cheslor Cuthbert’s hot start is a distant memory. The team is 34 games under .500.

The team hasn’t scored a run yet this week. You and your pet goldfish scored as many runs this series as they did.

Keller’s final line: 6.0 innings, three hits, three runs, five strikeouts. He’s 7-13. He deserved better.

Dayton Moore’s 12th and 13th seasons at the controls of the Royals will both feature 100-losses. Regardless of what you think of Moore specifically, how many GMs could be this poor this deep into their tenure, and still face absolutely zero heat about it?

The best line of the night was when Ryan Lefebvre said the Cardinals were moving into first place and was all “Wow, nobody saw that coming!” Gotta love a classic underdog story like the 11-time World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals.

Tomorrow: the Royals face Noah Syndergaard. They might die. Mike Montgomery will start against the Mets in a 2015 World Series rematch.