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Just leave Megxit alone already, yeah?

I’m just knackered about it all.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex visit Canada House on January 07, 2020 in London, England.
Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex visit Canada House on January 07, 2020 in London, England.
Photo by Samir Hussein/WireImage

This week, seemingly everyone in our (at least presently) United Kingdom got their knickers in a twist with Harry and Megan’s decision to “step back” from being “senior members” of the royal family. Announced via Instagram—Instagram!—it blindsided the royal family, who were not consulted on the decision.

There’s been a lot of criticism tossed Meghan’s way in this situation, and it has been often dubbed ‘Megxit’ by the press in an attempt to be humorous. But let’s be honest: that criticism is all rubbish. What, do you think Prince Harry didn’t understand what his choice of wife would mean? Did you think the Queen or any other elder member of a sprawling royal family couldn’t be bothered to tell Harry his duties to the crown and what it would mean if he renounced them?

Do you think that Harry didn’t have any other spousal choices? And do you think that Meghan was the only beautiful, smart, driven woman Harry had met in his life? Meghan isn’t a siren, for God’s sake. Coming from Hollywood, she could have wed any number of attractive, rich actors. Instead, she chose to marry into a family with more drama than Shakespeare himself could have reasonably concocted, a veritable pressure cooker surrounded by tabloids and casual racism.

Harry could have courted the favour of literally any woman in the British isles with his position of power and wealth. He need not look elsewhere, with the added attention and strain that would have come with it. He chose Meghan.

Criticise both of them, if you want, for handling this so bizarrely and abruptly. Lambast the tabloids and media. Pin it our lovely and old, very old, extremely old Queen Elizabeth (who is old) and who thinks a tweet is a noise that a bird makes and not something that happens when Boris Johnson has a thought near a phone.

Actually, criticise Henry Cavill, whose rippling, unbridled sexy manhood rippled back (or is it forward) through time to convince Meghan to marry someone with a similar accent. It’s his fault, really. If that hadn’t happened, perhaps Harry would have met my sister Shannon Byrne and I’d almost be a royal, too. Perhaps then the Kansas City Royals, a baseball team I hear is named after the British royals, wouldn’t have to change their uniform design like they do every time there’s a new royal near the top of the succession line.

What I’m saying is: just leave Megxit alone already, yeah? Bloody hell. It’s time for tea.