Royals are bad at everything in yet another loss, 4-3 to Tigers

I’ve tried to remain pretty level-headed to this point in the Royals season. There have been some ups and a few more downs, but I’ve tried to avoid completely melting down about a team pre-All Star break.

I’m getting really close to running out of patience.

The Royals lost to the Detroit Tigers, 4-3. They have now lost 10 of their last 11 games, completely bottoming out following a resurgence after their first two-week stretch of suck. Now 30-36, the Royals are more than 10 games out of first place, and they have nobody to blame but themselves.

Mike Minor put his team in a 3-0 hole before they batted in the third, continuing his trend of not letting a ton of guys on base, but ensuring that every last one of them that gets on winds up scoring. The Royals “scored” two runs in the third, but they came on a groundout and a wild pitch. Carlos Santana swung on a 3-0 count (on ball four) and hit a weak groundout that scored a run, causing Rex Hudler to go “hey it’s a start!” Whit Merrifield scored on a wild pitch, the score got to 3-2, and Ryan Lefebvre was like “wow the Royals scored two!” I mean... they’re still like 3 for 45 hitting with RISP over the last week. For the second night in a row, they couldn’t hit worth a damn with anyone in scoring position.

Hunter Dozier continued doing what Hunter Dozier does best: make outs. Seriously, the fact that this organization claims to be in the business of trying to win now while trotting Hunter Dozier’s pathetic bat out there every single damn day is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. If I was managing the Royals, Hunter Dozier’s ass would be bolted to the bench. Know why? Because he is the WORST PLAYER IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE. There are 338 qualified players in the AL, and Hunter Dozier’s -1.6 WAR is a full half-game worse than anybody else! Wrap your brain on how preposterous that is. 337 out of 338 AL players are at -1.1 WAR or better, and then ol’ Hunter is there with his -1.6. He’s SO MUCH WORSE than any other AL player. And they play him every day, usually by batting him fifth or sixth! Teammate Jorge Soler is 334th out of 338, but at least he’s gotten on base several games in a row. Though he’s plenty awful enough for the both of them. Just look at that eighth inning strikeout. Mercy.

Edward Olivares must have pooped on somebody important’s desk. If I was him, I’d demand my release, considering these guys are set playing Hunter Dozier and his .152 batting average over me.

Adalberto Mondesi was activated before the game, but he didn’t play because there’s another game tomorrow. What did you expect, a baseball player playing in two games in a row? Have you met Bert Mondesi? How could they not pinch hit him in any of the big situations inferior hitters batted in all evening? Instead, we watched Kelvin Gutierrez strand a thousand people on base for the second night in a row. Hopefully Bert didn’t pull his hammy again watching the game in the dugout.

Seriously, have you ever heard of a no-doubt starter coming off the IL and then not being in the lineup his first game back? If anybody was going to be the first, it makes sense that it’s Mondesi.

He actually did grab a bat and was going to hit for Lopez in the ninth if Michael A. Taylor got on, but Michael A. Taylor did not get on base. He fouled off 85 pitches in a row before striking out. Shocking, I know.

Mike Minor allowed four runs in 5.2 innings. Nicky Lopez came through with a miraculous RISP hit in the seventh, hitting a two-out RBI single to make the score 4-3. The Royals did not threaten after that. They didn’t get a hit against the Tigers’ horrendous bullpen. They’ve had 27 baserunners in the last two games and they’ve scored six runs. That’s so, so bad.

Speaking of Lopez, Ryan Lefebvre was like “Nicky has been hitting great with two outs all year!” A simple check of the stats show that Nicky Lopez is hitting .133 with two outs in RISP. He’s under .200 with two outs, period. When you work for the Royals, you can’t let stats get in the way of pumping sunshine out onto the airwaves. I mean, you don’t even have to be capable of speaking in coherent sentences to announce for this team. Just look at Steve Physioc.

It is a miracle that this team is as close to .500 as they are. They are horrible. I’m not sure if it’s sheer terribleness or more of a mix between horrible and incompetent. I mean, just yesterday, Mike Matheny said “Brad Keller couldn’t get a feel for his slider” 10 minutes before Brad Keller said “my slider felt good.” Incompetence.

Dayton Moore has been at the controls of the organization for 15 seasons now, and they have been over .500 in three of them. If you trust him to rebuild the Royals again, god bless you. The Tigers have been arguably the worst organization in baseball the last three years, and I’d bet cash that they make the playoffs before the Royals do. Wanna take me up on that bet? Let me know.

At this point, I think Whit Merrifield and Salvador Perez should get approval to take a bat to whatever they want in the locker room. They have to be tired of this nonsense.

It’s time for a change. Want to know what I’d do? Alright.

Fire Cal Eldred. Fire Terry Bradshaw. Strap Hunter Dozier on the bench and don’t let his ass get up for two weeks. Actually play Edward Olivares. Cut Wade Davis. Move Jackson Kowar to the bullpen and let him get comfortable there. Bring up Domingo Tapia and Gabe Speier. Enjoy the six games you get from Adalberto Mondesi before he steps on a lego block and requires another 12 weeks on the IL. Bottom line - TRY SOMETHING. Try ANYTHING.

Instead, we will get no change, and tomorrow they will bat Dozier and Soler in the middle of the lineup again. Brady Singer will start, he will throw a good three innings or so, and then he will implode. Cal Eldred will waddle his goofy ass out to the mound to say absolutely nothing of importance and things will get worse. The Royals will lose. Mike Matheny will say “yeah man we’re close I think, just gotta keep battling.” and then we will do it all again the next day.

I just want the baseball team in my hometown to be good. I guess that’s not scheduled until 2045, so I still have quite a bit of time to wait.