Hola, amigos. Ho ho how’s it hangin'? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but life has been b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I had to move out of my weenie cousin Kurt's garage after his divorce, but my friend Ron let me crash in the basement of his late mom's house. Thanksgiving weekend we thought it would be funny to break into the abandoned Chuck E. Cheese and mess around with the old animatronics. We snuck inside through an open door in the back, but it turned out the place was still open, just not very busy. This boss looking dude mistook us for new employees, so we played along. He gave us shirts and name tags, and told us to watch the game area. We ended up playing skee ball for a couple hours and even snuck a pizza out of the kitchen. After awhile, the boss guy came back looking like he was going to yell at us, but just said he needed our social security numbers before he could pay us. It turns out we can screw off all we want and get paid for it, and no one cares as long as we keep an eye on things and make sure no kids are puking on stuff or anything. When we get paid on Christmas Eve, I'll have enough to get the old Kia Rio out of the impound lot — a Christmas miracle.

Anyway, while I'm waiting for my figgy pudding, here's this week's off-topics.

1. What's your weirdest holiday tradition?

2. What was your favorite present you got as a kid that, if given to a kid today, would just confuse them?

3. What was your best goof off job?

4. It is 10 years in the future. Thanks to breakthrough after breakthrough, we all have Mr. Fusion Energy Reactors powering our homes and vehicles. What are the biggest unexpected changes to (a) your world and (b) the world at large?

5. Holiday movies are not my thing, but every year, I get sucked into watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and now know every line. What's your favorite movie in your least favorite movie genre?

Boner: Eggnog or candy canes?