The Royals lost but I am having problems with my Rocket League account which is more pressing at the moment

Alright, let me talk about something that is, currently, deeply frustrating to me. I have been playing Rocket League since it came out in 2015. In 2019, Epic Games (the keepers of Fortnight) bought Psyonix (the Rocket League developer) with a vision of turning Rocket League into a free to play game. Which, hey, more Rocket League players is great!

Last night, I finally downloaded Rocket League to my Xbox. My friends and I have mostly moved away from PC gaming because we all have the Series X and we like sitting on our couches rather than cooped up next to a keyboard. But here’s the situation: I need to link my Xbox account with my Epic Games account so all my stuff gets ported over and it doesn’t stick me playing against newbies.

This has, however, been a fiasco. First, I tried signing into my Epic Games account, which I could not. They sent me a password reset email last night, which I did not get. I gave up to come back today, where I tried to get a password reset email again and this time it works.

A-hah, but now there’s a different problem! I first started to link my Steam account with my Epic Games account before linking my Xbox account to my Epic Games account, because Steam was the platform on which I played Rocket League. But I could not link it because, apparently, “this Steam account has already been associated with another Epic Games account.”

This is news to me, because I have not played Fortnight and haven’t purchased anything through the Epic Games store. How could I have two accounts? Well, I did some digging, and sure enough in my Epic Games account information it says I signed an End-User License Agreement in 2018...for Fortnight, which I have not played.

The worst part about all of this is that Epic Games is taunting me with Frequently Asked Questions “help” pages that, apparently, have the information about how to fix the problem that I’m having. Indeed, as I was typing a support ticket to Epic Games to see if I could get to the bottom of this, a dialogue box popped up with links to these FAQ pages that ostensibly have the information that I need but absolutely do not have the information I need. I tried the solutions they offered, but they didn’t work. Of course, it didn’t stop Epic Games from trying to gaslight me into thinking I was the problem, though.

To be honest, that situation is kind of like being a Royals fan: there’s something clearly wrong that you need fixed so that you can enjoy yourself but the organization in charge acts like it’s something that’s your fault for not realizing the fifth-dimensional chess they’re playing. Just read the FAQs, bro! So what if they’re complicated and convoluted and indecipherable. That’s your problem, bro!

Anyway, the Kansas City Royals lost 8-3 to the Cleveland Guardians tonight. They are 16-32 and have the worst record in baseball all to themselves at this moment. What are you still doing here? Go watch the most recent season of Stranger Things or something.