Royals lose 4-0 in less time than it takes to watch the first disc of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Special Edition

Let’s say you wanted to watch the 2003 Academy Award Winner for Best Picture, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. But, because you are a person of culture, you put in the first disc of the extended edition, which clocks in at 2 hours and 7 minutes.

Let’s also say that you decided to do this at 6:40 pm on Monday, April 17, right when the Kansas City Royals started playing against the Texas Rangers. Just a few minutes before watching the orc army of Mordor chant “Grond!” as the people and soldiers of Minas Tirith look in terror at the wolf’s head battering ram moving towards the front gates, the Royals-Rangers game had come to a close: 4-0, in a contest lasting 2 hours and 2 minutes. Rangers victory, of course.

The Royals franchise has been masterful at absolutely torching any interest in the club before Memorial Day for most of the past three plus decades. This year has been no different. The Royals have won one (1) game at home so far, for instance, and they have not led in a single inning over the past four games. In fact, they’ve led in only one of their last seven games. That’s...quite something!

Anyway, tonight was sort of inevitable. Jordan Lyles actually did quite nicely, managing to chew through eight innings and mostly holding the Rangers lineup in check. Hunter Dozier played at third base, and he made two errors, and he did not get on base, and is yet guaranteed $17 million through 2025. Fun! The Royals faced multi-time Cy Young winner Jacob DeGrom, who is one of the best pitchers of his generation, and did poorly, as you might expect. They continued to do poorly against the Rangers bullpen.

Put it this way: I usually check the Royals’ Twitter and Bally Sports KC’s Twitter to see what highlights they had selected to post about to include here. Neither account had a single highlight. Let’s check on the Rangers’ account...

...yeah ok maybe we didn’t need to do that. Ouch.

The Royals are 4-13 and about to be 10 games under .500 within three weeks of the season starting. Quite impressive. Anyway, I’d recommend watching the second disc of that extended edition. Wouldn’t want to miss Legolas sliding down the tusk of a giant elephant now, would we?