Royals lose 3-2 in juuust about the most pathetic way possible

The Kansas City Royals lost their mind-numbing 68th game of the year less than a week after the All-Star Break to the Detroit Tigers. But while most losses are bad, this one was particularly sour.

Not a whole lot happened in the early innings of the game, which was mostly uneventful in a good way. Jordan Lyles was actually quite sharp, only allowing four baserunners across his six innings; he struck out four and gave up no runs. Lyles was sharp enough to bait Ryan Lefebvre, Rex Hudler, and Jeremy Guthrie into wondering aloud why such a good pitcher had such a poor ERA in one of the most cringe sections of television in a while.

Meanwhile, the Royals offense didn’t accomplish much, though they did happen to notch two runs in the fourth inning to give them a 2-0 lead. MJ Melendez, Freddy Fermin, and Nick Pratto strung together three consecutive singles and were aided by a few questionable plays by the Tigers.

But let’s cut to the seventh inning! That’s where it went off the rails and the Royals earned the title of this recap. Fermin singled and Pratto walked to put runners on first and second with no outs—the insurance runs train was getting ready to leave the station. But then Drew Waters tried, and I do mean tried, to bunt.

Never bunt. Never ever bunt.

Waters fouled off the first pitch. Bad, but it didn’t get caught, so whatever. Waters made a bunt attempt and got hit by the pitch anyway. But because he was actively bunting, it counted as a strike. Waters then, predictably, swung and missed at the third pitch in one of the worst plate appearances you’ll ever see.

As you might imagine, this was the catalyst the Tigers rallied around to end the seventh inning. Matt Duffy hit a sharp line drive that Riley Greene made a nice play on, and then Nicky Lopez struck out.

In the top of the eighth inning, the Royals continued their streak of incompetence. Taylor Clarke gave up a double to Akil Badoo, but clamped down and got two more outs. Unfortunately, Clarke then hit Greene with a pitch and walked Spencer Torkelson. Jose Cuas then took the mound and immediately threw four consecutive balls to Kerry Carpenter with the bases loaded to give the Tigers their first run in 20 innings.

Down an insurmountable amount of runs (1), the murderer’s row that is the Royals offense couldn’t overcome it even though the Tigers did not score in the ninth inning. Pratto struck out—a thing that he does about 38% of the time this year—and so did Waters for good measure before feared veteran slugger Duffy grounded out to end the game.

Just not a lot of redeeming things happening tonight. Excuse me while I go finish constructing my Ikea bench and then go to bed, because the Royals ain’t worth thinking about for any longer today. That’s because, in large part, Kansas City is probably going to lose 70 games before winning 30. I would say I have no words, but clearly I have at least 500 words tonight. You get the point. Enjoy the rest of your evening.